Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

[Bells3032]

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.

WWYD?

Thanks

[KaTetof19]

I'd respond with a simple "The gift was declared as part of probate, what each person will inherit is legally correct. I'm not discussing this gift any further."

Then drop the matter entirely. Do not give her money.

No matter what you do now she's caused a rift in the family that will never be forgotten. Even if you gave her a "share" of your gift from your grandfather she'd never let anyone wrongly forget that you planned on being selfish/grabby and keeping it until she intervened. You haven't damaged familial relations, she has. I'd also dissuade your extended family from paying back your gift instead of you because it'll be weaponised for all future family conversations.

[billy1966]

I dont think the family is torn up OP.

You have one ghastly member who is embarrassing the rest of you with her vulgarity and disrespect of your grandfather's wishes.

Silence. Avoid.

[DishingOutDone]

Ive seen this discussion before on MN and its gone the other way, X had a gift before the relative died, therefore their inheritance must be reduced by that amount. But its the disparity in the amounts that is amazing, she's going to get £1million anyway, and she still wants to make a song and dance so as to get a few grand more.

However, a friend recently inherited £1 million and she changed overnight into the most money grabbing miser overnight. Maybe if people aren't used to having money then such a large sum freaks them out ... hope I get to find out one day!

[LouHotel]

I'd actually donate the £15k in your families name to the charity that is perhaps researching the terminal illness of your mother or a charity that assists students from low incomes to go to university.

What is she going to say.

[LudaMusser]

Don't give her a penny and cut her out of your life, forever

She sounds like a horrible, ungrateful person

[OldOakTreeRibbon]

Ok so not a lawyer or financial person, so I may be wrong, but for gifts there is a 3 k exemption each year, and you can use 2 year’s allowances.

So 15 k - 6 k = 9 k.

Also as the gift was 6 years ago then due to taper relief, 8% tax is due from estate so o.o8 x 9 k = £720 inheritance tax.

If BIL is doing the probate work then he’s probably saved the estate many thousands in legal fees so for her to quibble over £720 is greedy.

[Topseyt]

Seni Mrsm's suggested message. Maybe just add at the end that you trust that this will now be the end of the matter and you consider the discussion closed.

Then just ignore her if she tries to continue it. Greedy cow.

[MissConductUS]

It's not part of the estate, even if it had to be included for tax calculations. Ignore her or if you really feel a need to respond just tell her it's already been sorted, which it has.

[MzHz]

@BluebellForest836

Ignore her.

^ this

all day long.

She can do nothing and if your dad want to cut her off for treating you like this, let them. that is their choice.

[SirVixofVixHall]

Paying her some money won’t resolve the problem, because she has already done the petty and jealous thing by asking for it. Really unpleasant to begrudge a niece who has lost her mother, a bit of help from a loving Grandparent several years ago.
I am all for equality in families, but sometimes different circumstances do warrant a bit of extra help. How her Dad chose to spend money that he had earned, years ago, is none of her bloody business. If it had been a few years more she would not have even known about it.

[MrMagooInTheLoo]

Families.. Full of hypercritical jealous hyenas. Sod them all. It was his money, his choice.

[GeneParmesanPrivateEye]

@mrsm43s message first.

"Hi Aunt, no need to worry I've already given details to Uncle, and he's included it in the paperwork for probate/tax purposes, so everything has been dealt with correctly. Hope all is good with you, Bells x"

Then any comeback followed up with @KaTetof19's message.

"The gift was declared as part of probate, what each person will inherit is legally correct. I'm not discussing this gift any further."

Then ignore anything else.

[Haricot]

As I understand it, taper relief only applies if the gift (or total of all gifts given prior to death) exceeded the personal allowance (of £325k). So there's no taper relief on a gift of 15k. Happy to stand corrected on this though.

[Seaweed42]

I'd leave all that stuff about you wanting to start a family soon out of it. It's irrelevant what your circumstances are. The Aunt might say she wants to set up a charitable company with the 3k.
The 15k is a pretty big amount that was transferred from her father's account to your account.
Think of it like this. If your Dad gave your sister's kid 15k, and he gave you or your kid (pretend you had one) nothing. Then he died a couple of years later. Would you ever think about that?
If it were me, I would offer to give only her the 3k after you get your inheritance, as the others have said they do not want any of it returned. It's typical sibling rivalry - 'she got an icelolly and I didn't because she hurt her knee and used that to get sympathy for it'. It all comes out when a parent dies we all go back to being children again.

[Lynda07]

The £15k was a gift to you, nothing to do with his will. It's a pity anyone knew about it.

[Eckhart]

You have one ghastly member who is embarrassing the rest of you with her vulgarity and disrespect of your grandfather's wishes

I'd say greedy aunt is embarrassing herself and nobody else. OP certainly has nothing to be embarrassed about.

[trebletheclef]

That is a pretty big inheritance that you're getting. Aunt may or may not be being unpleasant, but if it were me, I'd just pay the 15K and perhaps give her a wide berth from now on. What's £15k when you're getting £500K?

[BumbleBeee69]

Sorry for the loss of your precious Mother at such a young age OP and the recent loss of your wonderfully kind Grandfather... and congratulations on discovering the true colours of your Aunt...

Tell her to Fook Off

[QualityFeet]

It’s not the gift causing a problem it’s your aunt. Her believe is horrid and without any legal Or moral justification. I wouldn’t give such an awful woman a penny - I would tell her that quite happily but there are more politic responses above. That 15k may seem like a small amount due to the bigger but actually when you have used that on a house and car and investments it’s an amazing family holiday, in your child’s pension pit doing them a huge favour later, a charity donation to something meaningful for you. It’s not a miser’s float.

[mrsBtheparker]

She cannot alter the probate if there is a will, his wishes in there are all that matter. If she insists on trying to steal part of your inheritance tell her you will need an accounting of all the moneys she received from your grandfather over the course of her life.

[AcrossthePond55]

I'd absolutely ignore her and block her if necessary. I wouldn't say Uncle has sorted it, then she'll just start harassing him about it and I wouldn't want him to feel I'd thrown him under the bus (even though all he was doing was the correct legal procedures).

If Uncle contacted me again re splitting the money to shut Aunt up, I'd tell him that I didn't feel it necessary to placate her so I won't be doing that. How he handles his sister after that is up to him.

[Bedsidetable]

I believe that monetary gifts given during the past 7 years have to be declared to the Inland Revenue for Inheritance Tax calculations . Could this have something to do with it?

[JacobReesMogadishu]

Just ignore her. It’s none of her business, you don’t have to answer her. Or answer her asking why she would like to know.

[twinmum2007]

My condolences. You and he were obviously very close and I am sorry for your loss. However, as PPs have mentioned, if there are fewer than seven years between your grandfather gifting you the money and his passing then tax is payable on the gift. The whole £15k and I'm afraid it's not the estate that is liable for it, it is you as the gift recipient. From your OP it treads as though your aunt is hoping to get the money back into the estate to bolster up the 'kitty', which will then be split four ways. It does seem petty, but money and wills does that to families sometimes. Your biggest, most pressing issue though is the tax. I would suggest getting some expert advice.

[ITonyah]

However, as PPs have mentioned, if there are fewer than seven years between your grandfather gifting you the money and his passing then tax is payable on the gift. The whole £15k and I'm afraid it's not the estate that is liable for it, it is you as the gift recipient

This is what I thought