Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

[Bells3032]

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.

WWYD?

Thanks

[1forsorrow]

I'd get it out of the bank in pennies and drop it in her front garden. I bet it would make a lovely big pile.

[Bettysnow]

I would agree to put it back in the pot as long as all grandchildren who were helped financially over the years did the same. It would be interesting to see if she would be quite so quick to demand her own kids return the financial gifts that they received from their grandad!

[Tess83]

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Is there a chance that she thinks it is a much bigger sum than it was (e.g. he bought you the flat outright)? Grief and money are a pretty toxic combination and often bring up buried emotions. E.g. if she always felt less loved in childhood and thinks that her dad favoured your side of the family with huge gifts it may be eating away at her, especially if she feels her kids have struggled in comparison. I have no idea whether that is right but this kind of dispute brings up such deep emption on all sides.

[Eckhart]

Ignore her. She's making an unreasonable ask. She's behaving unreasonably about it. If anybody is caused any pain, it won't be caused by you and your dignified silence.

[Bells3032]

@BobbieDraper whilst my grandfather wasn't short it was the estate that was worth that - he didn't have that in his bank account - this includes his business (since sold), properties and own home. We are now ten years on from my uni days and 20 years from my oldest cousins uni days. He couldn't have paid to put 8 grand kids through uni. My mum was also ill at the time i was at uni and therefore not being paid as much and therefore this bumped the amount in loans i had to take compared to everyone else though most still had some loans.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@justasking111

Re inheritance tax, 15k allowance 3k a year that money has elapsed. I would ignore the hints being thrown around.

This is exactly and this is why I would say then ignore her. Wouldn’t even give her hush money, definitely not.

[mrsm43s]

I'd just reply
"Hi Aunt, no need to worry I've already given details to Uncle, and he's included it in the paperwork for probate/tax purposes, so everything has been dealt with correctly. Hope all is good with you, Bells x"

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

If you really must give her £3k (I wouldn't) I'd be tempted to give it to her in 2p coins

[pfrench]

Has she got any children? As in, do you have any cousins?

I'd start off with 'it was a gift, it's been accounted for', and then see.

If she wants a share of it, then offer to split it equally between all of the cousins. That way it's not hers, you get to give a nice little unexpected present to your cousins, and your grandpa would probably really like that as a thing.

[pfrench]

OR - do you know that he definitely didn't do anything for any of his other grandchildren?

My grandad (and dad) always do the same for all children/grandchildren.

[MyGodImSoYoung]

OP, from a Probate Lawyer's perspective, you do not need to transfer any money back onto the Estate. It has already been considered for Probate purposes, and if your grandfather had wanted you to pay the tax on your gift, he would have mentioned it in the Will. She has no right to say that you have to pay the tax. Don't worry about it; ignore her xx

[Howmuchlongercanthislast]

The gift will fall under the estate for inheritance tax purposes.

Such a lot of people inheriting large sums recently.

[pfrench]

Oh sorry, I see my possible option has been discounted.

Just go with 'It's been dealt with' and leave it at that.

[MashedPotatoBrainz]

"Hi Aunt, no need to worry I've already given details to Uncle, and he's included it in the paperwork for probate/tax purposes, so everything has been dealt with correctly. Hope all is good with you, Bells x"

^This^

Although I want to tell her to fuck off.

[TheABC]

Ignore her. She does not have a leg to stand on, legally or morally. It does not sound like you will miss out on much if you go no contact. Your grandfather's gift is not tearing your family apart as it's already been accounted for and your father, sister and uncle agree with you.

TBH, the will sounds very fair; an equal split between each of his children with his deceased daughter's share being used to take care of her loved ones. You sound like a (mostly) caring and honourable lot.

[okiedokieme]

If the total estate was £100k fair enough 15% of the estate is significant but this is a huge inheritance, she's being petty to the extreme.

[RandomMess]

OMG what a miserly CF she is...

I would ask her for the value of all gifts her DC ever received from your grandfather!!!!

TBH I would truly speak to your Uncle and discuss it with him and suggest splitting the £6k or whatever it is between all the grandchildren including your sister and yourself...

[strawberry2017]

@mrsM43s has the best response. Send that and be done with it.
Your grandfather didn't want the money including and I think she's a total bitch for doing this to her sisters children.
As if you haven't had enough to deal with loosing your DM, your grandfather only wanted to make sure you were taken care off.

[Purpleartichoke]

Your grandfather could have adjusted his will to reflect the early gift. He did not. Just ignore her.


This may very well come up in my family. My father may help the grandkids with university costs. My sister has more children than me. If he helps each grandchild equally, more of his money will go to her side. This is just something that I accept will happen.


And thank you for using the money for your father. I’ve seen inheritance skip the spouse before and the younger generation keep the money. I can’t fathom taking money that would have gone to my parent if the parent had not lost a spouse.

[HannaYeah]

I like Bells’ message. I also think if she kicks up a fuss, I’d end up giving her £3K and telling her it’s a gift of goodwill from me to her. Then if she mentions that it’s owed to the estate I’d say “Oh, Grandfather was clear that the money he gave me was a gift, not tied to his estate. But I can tell it’s important to you and I don’t want anyone to be upset so I’m giving you this money.”

[OldOakTreeRibbon]

Say 1 million, invested at 1% would give her 10,000 interest a year (ignoring tax), so 3,000 is about 14 weeks interest for her. If she started wrangling, getting lawyers involved and delaying sorting the estate it could cost her (and everyone else) a lot more in lost interest and lawyers fees.

[silverbubbles]

Doesn't sound like this is tearing up the family?. Its sounds like she wants the money and everyone else this she is unreasonable?.

Just ignore her. Your Grandpa gifted you the money to help you out. It is nothing to do with the current situation.

How do you know she or other family members have not been gifted things that no one knows about?

[Chloemol]

Nope I would be ignoring her request. It’s already been taken into account for probate

Alternatively ask her to provide details of every gift her children got as that will need to go back in the pit as well

[Disfordarkchocolate]

The family is already split and you all know now how greedy your aunt it. Ignore her and don't pay the money back. Giving back the money won't heal this.

You did the right thing for you Mum, your grandad appreciated it. If he had meant it to be a loan he would have said so.

[DomDoesWotHeWants]

As has been said the family is split already. Ignore her now and for the rest of her miserable life.