Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

[Bells3032]

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.

WWYD?

Thanks

[Bluntness100]

Just tell her you’ve discussed with the others and everyone is aligned on how it has been handled. However if she would like 3k from you she can have it.

[viques]

Tell her you have instead made a generous donation in her name to the Mumsnet Retirement Fund for Moaners and Groaners, or the Research Council for Consensual Anal Sex or any other charity that you think might get up her nose. Do a tinkly laugh and say of course you have asked them not to publish her details on their online donor list, and hope they abide by your instructions.........

[Gutterton]

Do not reward such bad behaviour from your aunt by acknowledging her message let alone giving her any money.

100%. Silence. Dignity. Disconnect.

This the sort of person you don’t need in your life.

I am so sorry you lost your Mum so young and you should be proud of the support you gave her and continue to give your Dad.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

And from your initial post:-

"However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance".

And this is also why you should be disregarding your aunt as well, she's already been told to drop it.

[Sunseed]

It's down to the Executor to distribute the Estate as per the Will. If your aunt has an issue she should take it up with them, not you.

[Megatron]

Another one saying ignore. If you really must respond, tell her that the gift was between your grandad and you, and as such, is a private matter.

[LivingOnAnIsland]

The gift is within 7 years of death and has to be considered in the IHT calculation.

[NoHardSell]

I would completely ignore the message. What's she going to do?

It's a very small amount in the scheme of things, it was five years ago, he gave gifts to others (and you don't know for sure that they got less), all sounds fine to me.

Ignore

It's only her who has a problem with it. There's often fallings out after deaths.

[Beautiful3]

Just ignore her. She's trying to get evidence in black and white and is thinking about fighting you for it. Ignore. think about what your grandad wanted. He would be devested to know someone was doing this to you.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

The gift is within 7 years of death and has to be considered in the IHT calculation.

Leaving all the emotion aside, that's probably the most important thing to clear up.

[zonkin]

Just ignore her.

[ITonyah]

The gift is within 7 years of death and has to be considered in the IHT calculation

Presumably it has been and IHT has been deducted from thr estate to cover it, which is why she wants it back.

[SeasonFinale]

The OP says it has already been taken into account for probate purposes LivingonanIsland and by that I mean it has been treated as a PET.

Another one saying just ignore her.

[Minniee]

I would reply I can't remember, it was ages ago. Why do you want to know? X

[AJPTaylor]

It isn't tearing your family apart.
One slightly odd aunt has an issue. Ignore her. Your uncle is sorting it all out.

[NoHardSell]

@ITonyah

The gift is within 7 years of death and has to be considered in the IHT calculation

Presumably it has been and IHT has been deducted from thr estate to cover it, which is why she wants it back.

Probate's done and it was accounted for. It wouldn't have been much anyway after 5 years, maybe 2k

[ITonyah]

I'd pay the 3k tbh if I was getting a 500k inheritance.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

God almighty, it's hardly "ripping the family apart"; just ignore her!
Are you actually enjoying the drama??

[BobbieDraper]

Tbh, I'm shocked you had student loans in the first play. You had a grandparent with millions, but you had to pay for uni with loans?

My family are a similar set up... and we certainly didnt need to use loans to pay for education.

Anyway, her kids got through uni when it was cheaper. You go stuck with the increase in charges and your grandpa gifted you the money to pay it off. It has sweet fuck all to do with your aunt. Ignore her, and if she ends up cut off from the family then it's her own doing; you havent done anything wrong.

[Bells3032]

@viques omg you made me laugh so much. Thanks I needed a good laugh.

To answer a few other queries: it is not for IHT purposes. Probate has been completed and this gift has already been taken into account.

Her kids aren't getting anything - the only reason my sis and i are is because we have lost our mum and leaving it to my dad (his SIL) would cost more in tax. As said whilst we are beneficiaries we are planning to invest they money in property and have the income support our dad whose already in ill health himself. She and my uncle both know this and we have sought legal and financial advice on how to do this legally.

The will was dated after the money was given to me and my flat purchased. it makes no mention of the money or it being offset against my inheritance.

My dad and sister have basically agreed with some of you pay her off and cut her off. My uncle, having already lost one sister, doesn't want to lose her and is distraught. My uncle and his wife as two of the most amazing people i know and i don't want to cause them any pain. Still he is furious with her and has offered to split with me the £5k as a way of saying to her I don't agree with your stance and I am supporting my niece.

[Catsrus]

it was a gift not a loan. My ex MIL is incredibly generous with gifts to grandchildren when they've needed it. I know one of mine has had a gift (but I don't know how much, she's an adult), I know that at least one of the GC overseas had a sizeable gift. Her money her choice what she does with it.

Your uncle has already taken it into account for IHT purposes and has told your aunt to forget it. I would be guided by him.

[justasking111]

Re inheritance tax, 15k allowance 3k a year that money has elapsed. I would ignore the hints being thrown around.

[QueSera]

Ignore her. A gift is a gift. It was your granddad's choice. If he'd wanted you to pay it back, he'd have said so in his will.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

(I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator"

This is a bit odd though. You only ever repay student loans based on your actual income, so it seems really odd that you were struggling to get a mortgage because of £15k of student loans?

[CantSayJack]

I’d be giving her a piece of my mind before blocking her and cutting her out oh your life completely.
What an awful person, complaining over £15k when she’s about to receive over £1 million? Your Mother and Grandfather have sadly passed, you owe her nothing. I’d tell her what for the greedy bastard and get rid. Permanently.