Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

[Bells3032]

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.

WWYD?

Thanks

[timeisnotaline]

Theres no way I’d be the bigger person and give her a penny. Ignore it is as bigger a person as I could do.

[crispysausagerolls]

I think she might have the wrong end of the stick and think you’ve been given the money to buy a flat outright. I would just message and say it was 15k (not what for though) and pay it back

Don’t do this. It’s none of her fucking business, what your grandfather has given you whilst alive. And, by the way, it’s irrelevant if it was for the student loan as yes it’s the equivalent of giving her the money to buy a flat outright as it helped her use a scheme to buy.

People become such nasty bastards about inheritance: greedy and have mentally spent the money.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I think she might have the wrong end of the stick and think you’ve been given the money to buy a flat outright. I would just message and say it was 15k (not what for though) and pay it back. Seems a shame to cut someone off completely because of money, although yes her behaviour has been pretty poor!

[Ladybyrd]

I'd want to tell her she's a greedy, money grabbing cow.

But I would just ignore her. Permanently.

[Eddielzzard]

In that case, since your family is on your side and she's already damaged family relations, I wouldn't respond. She has no right. It was a gift, nothing to do with her, that has been accounted for in probate and she has no rights here. Especially not with a million floating her way.

[Happynow001]

I think it's really split between whether to reply or not. We have decided to ignore it unless she asks for the money directly.
Personally OP I wouldn't dignify such utter greed and selfishness with any reply except to block her. Doesn't sound as though she's done herself any favours with the rest of the family, either, who are supporting you.

Your lovely grandfather made you a gift from a generous heart (the same way he did to her children so, in your position, I'd completely ignore her.

How sad some people have to behave this way. It's a lovely thing you and your sister are doing for your dad too 🌹

[Collaborate]

Best policy by far is just to ignore her requests completely. Simply don't engage.

[Bells3032]

Thank you everyone for your comments. I think it's really split between whether to reply or not. We have decided to ignore it unless she asks for the money directly. But i think it's too late for her to salvage her relationship with my side of the family (as said it's been very strained for a while). We will be civil to her for my uncles sake but beyond that we just don't want anything to do with her.

[Bells3032]

He'd be devastated tbh. He always said money isn't worth falling out with family over. And that what was meant to be a lovely gift to help his granddaughter in a difficult time of her life causing so much ruckus. We were always one of those super close families and my grandparents and my mum would be devastated.

To be honest i am ok paying the money back. We will survive without it now. But her even asking is enough to push my sister and my dad over what was already a pretty close edge anyway and regardless of if she drops it/i pay they don't want anything to do with her.

[Eddielzzard]

How do you think your grandfather would view all of this?

[Bells3032]

@ITonyah we haven't. but this has already been completed and this is not why she's asking me about this. It's also not about me paying the difference in the inheritance tax for my share as due to the way things have split we've had to pay more IHT for her share. Her kids have also received gifts etc though i have no idea how much and when as I haven't gotten involved with that. That is between them and my brother in law doing probate.

@GooseberryJam both my husband and my BIL are lawyers so all the papers will be drawn up formally and we have taken financial advice to ensure we are not crossing any legal lines. Everything we have and continue to do is on the up and up.

[Raidblunner]

Unless your legally bound to pay the £15k back I wouldn't do it. Your grandfather gave you the money as a gift, that was his choice. It's certainly not her duty or place to ask for it back, shame on her.

[ITonyah]

I'm not sure how you've managed to swerve it.

[GooseberryJam]

Be careful about how you handle buying property to provide your dad with income. What all this shows you is how informal family arrangements about money can turn sour.

[Bells3032]

@ITonyah What? as said in the OP probate is done and this has nothing to do with IHT - she is not in charge of the IHT - that is my BIL who would of asked me directly if he needed any further info on it but he didn't, my sister provided all we needed.

[ITonyah]

Maybe this is not what is happening here, but you can't just gift someone 15k and avoid IHT if you die 5 years later.

[soruff]

She will never change. A friend inherited about 20 years ago, but the 'injured party' is still ticking on.
The only thing you need to do is reassure yourself that you have acted correctly.
That might mean a meeting where you explain that you are not going to change the way things are. She and others in family will have to accept that.
This may be better than just ignoring her which will not have an end point. It just dribbles away.
A meeting that you instigate means you have taken charge.

[PurpleTrilby]

Greedy fucking bitch. A million quid and it's just not good enough? Fuck, talk about first world problems.

[londonscalling]

Just say that your grandad asked you not to discuss it with anyone as he'd told you that he'd given various sums of money to all his grandchildren!

[JingsMahBucket]

@Bells3032 got it, my apologies.

[Rhubardandcustard]

It was a gift. Ignore aunt.

[ITonyah]

Surely the 3k being asked for is the IHT on the 15k gifted 5 years before? If so the OP is liable.

[ITonyah]

The OP's subsequent posts have said her gift was already taken into account. There's nothing to be accounted for in regards to her £15,000 gift from her grandfather

I don't understand this.

[Hanab]

It's not the gift that is tearing the family apart it is pure greed and unreasonable behaviour from your extended family!

[RandomMess]

I had overlooked in the op that all the GC have received financial gifts just not as much yours.

Absolutely you need an account of what everyone has received and you will top it up to match your £9k (is that the 15 less inheritance tax?) direct to your sister and cousins.

I am even more fuming than before!!!