He's just not that in to you...

[loopylou2020]

I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this as the title says but I'm hoping i can get some advice!!

So I'm recently single (7 year relationship) and have recently started talking to a guy again I used to fancy but was friends with and met 10 years ago. He's always liked ALL my social media posts over the years and I'm sure he used to fancy me too..

Anyway I'm not from the same area as him but have friends there. He told me to let me know when I was back and we could meet up for a walk. So I'm in the area soon and arranged to meet that day. We were chatting pretty constantly for a few days prior to that and it was mildly flirty. He's never once asked me if I was single although I was making it semi-obvious I was. The last few days he's hardly been taking at all, seems very withdrawn. I know he has been busy refurbishing his house BUT he is on social medics constantly and my most recent message he's totally ignored

He's really not that into me is he?? Why arrange to meet but then be really untalkative when you've been CONSTANT for the days previous? Or is he just busy? Why post on social media and ignore me? No idea. Help

@loopylou2020 when are you due to be meeting him?x

Why don't you just ask him if he is interested in you? It's not the 1950s anymore.

Not having a go at you specifically op but I'm not sure why people make communicating so much harder than it needs to be.

Maybe you could have gone the whole hog too and also made it 100% obvious that you were single, e.g. by saying "Me too"? Maybe he thought that as you didn't say anything back, you weren't single?
(Sorry if this is too simple, I am rubbish at games )

@coronaway I've thought exactly that. But honestly I don't want to come across as a keeno! I mean you are right fuck it I'm a woman that knows what she wants BUT just so common for guys to lose interest in the keen ones

@ravenmum no I never said anything like me too but I've made comments that would be pretty obvious I was single. Or maybe I'm not being obvious enough? Why ask to meet if you didn't think that anyway?

I'm borderline just gonna message hmm asking if we're still up for Thursday just to test the water. No response or not a keen response - fuck him

Any response yet?

@litterbird nope nothing. To be fair he's been very inactive online the last 2 days but had plenty of time to take photos of last nights tea and not respond to me. In all fairness I didn't ask a question or say anything worth answering I just made a comment. But still, out of courtesy you respond no? Dickhead

Well aware how crazy I sound

You are not crazy, just a normal human being who responds and communicates. Looks like this fuckwit isn't that human being.

I think a lot of guys are keen until you reciprocate and then they get cold feet....or they ask to meet just to see if you are up for it, with no intention of meeting. A nice ego boost for them.

@Cherrygirl3 yeah you're not wrong! Would be totally weird for him to do that though as we've known each other 10 years and he was one of my really good friends for 3 of of those years. Would totally embarrass himself if he stood me up as we also share some mutual friends

Why ask to meet if you didn't think that anyway?
Might have asked to meet to see if he had a chance, and then wasn't able to read the signs, or wasn't sure and didn't want to take the chance and look stupid? Had the courage to write the message, but felt too stupid to actually go for it in real life? Hard to tell. Could just be a dick obviously, but it all sounds a bit vague and as if neither of you wanted to take the first real step.

Ah well, I failed my test and asked him if he was still up for meeting Thursday and he messaged back saying yeah I was waiting for you to tell me when you are free 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

FFS. Maybe he didn't reply to my last empty message because there was nothing to reply to and he's refinishing his house? I'm still waiting for him to tell me what he has planned he said he would think about it. Still expecting it to not go ahead but let's see!!

Over thinker over here...

Message back "Great - is this a second date then?" and a winky smiley.

Yeah I’d give him the space to do his thing. Then you’ll know where his head is at. Consider (if you will) not asking specific plans (obviously you’ll need time and general ideas) as it could add pressure to something that will be naturally fun.

It’s kinda fun! You’re going to meet up and see what he puts together!

Plus you know him! It’s actually super sweet.

As an aside I’d caution you to not say anything to mutual friends about him, unless you would be ok with him being told. Well meaning friends can often make things go weirdly... vent or worry to us! :)

@ravenmum oh I was so desperate to do something like that but I'm trying to play it cool 🙈🙈

@JustKittenAround great advice! I've not said a word x

You'll have to update us on how it goes!

It went REALLY well...

We agreed to meet again in 2 weeks. HOWEVER, he's still so reserved in messages, dunno if this is just the way he is? Did did send me a screenshot of something and I could see he was on tinder at the same time as messaging me...

Yeah I know we've been on one date but that put me right off... am j being unreasonable?

I’d go cold on him OP and see how much effort he makes

Well that was a fail on his part 😂
It would put me off too x

Whoops. I'd tease him mercilessly on that! And make a mental note.