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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What am I doing?

10 replies

PrincessPlod · 07/06/2020 13:08

I’m married to a man with anger issues. He just hit his toe and most would hop around swear. He picks up the offending chair and launched it in the garden all in front of the kids.

This isn’t the first time he done something like this. He was annoyed by teenagers doing wheelies on the cycle path next to us and jumps towards them causing the kid to wobble. I thought he going to hit this kid.

He isn’t great with our like our kids either. Tells the frequently that they are annoying and he doesn’t want to be a parent as he can’t do what he wants. Emotional damage I suppose.

When we were are on are own he moans about how life would be if I hadn’t made him have kids. We would be able to travel and go places without working around them. He constantly moans about clutter and mess. I do clean, around my work, kid care and him working nights.

My family are saying it’s not healthy the kids being in an environment like this. I know it’s not and I talk to him but within 2 or 3 days we are back to his normal self. He said it was his job so changed it but to be honest he got worse. Today’s outburst he can’t see what he has done wrong.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Fudgewhizz · 07/06/2020 13:11

Honestly? Leave, or get him to. This is no life for you or for your kids. My dad was quite like this and I spent a lot of my childhood hoping he and my mum would split up so we didn't have to deal with his temper any more.

2ndtimemum2 · 07/06/2020 13:46

Leave and I mean it. This sounds like my childhood and as much as i love my dad were all dealing with the repercussions in our lives now. The scars it will leave on your children is something they will carry into adulthood. I know you do your best to protect them but honestly they see it. If you cant do it for you then do it for them

BertiesLanding · 07/06/2020 13:48

Leave him. No two ways about it, and the longer you wait, the more your kids are exposed and subjected to behaviour that will inexorably shape how they relate to others as adults.

JustC · 07/06/2020 14:54

Well, has anger management issues, which could be fixable if otherwise a nice person, but he also just sounds like a true asshole. I am with your family, this really isn't ok for your kids.

MaeDanvers · 07/06/2020 15:03

You can’t force him to be a good parent or want to have the kids he has. All you can do is protect them and you from him - that means leaving. Your children will thank you for not allowing them to be abused anymore.

category12 · 07/06/2020 15:10

What's good about him? Why are you still there?

Quackersandcheese3 · 07/06/2020 15:20

Maybe some professional help is needed. He sounds very difficult to live with . I wouldn’t be able to tolerate any of the behaviours you’ve mentioned.

PrincessPlod · 07/06/2020 15:48

I know you are all right. I’ve stayed with him mainly as I was nursing my terminally ill father then he died. I was really struggling coping day to day now I’ve got myself together. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t the cause of it.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2020 15:56

It’s not you, it’s your husband. You were never the cause of your husband abusing you, that is all on your husband He is abusive and feels entitled to act like he does. You need to start firming up plans to leave him and as soon as possible. Do not continue to do your bit here to show your kids that this treatment of you and they is still acceptable to you.

Women’s Aid are well worth contacting here. They can also help you here.

I am very sorry to learn about your dad.

cakecakecheese · 07/06/2020 17:14

Of course it's not a good environment for your children.

He sounds like one of these people that always thinks a situation is everybody else's fault but his own. Don't be like him, be in charge of your own happiness and get rid.

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