Never ending loneliness and anxiety

[Endless11]

Not complaining because I know I am lucky in so many ways, but I wanted to talk about the relentless loneliness and anxiety associated with this lockdown and pandemic.

I am single and live with my three teens - I so crave intimate love and kindness after a marriage which was emotionally abusive for many years.

I have been out of work during the lockdown but have an interview next Wednesday - fingers crossed.

I have kept myself busy with volunteering at my local food bank and just trying to get through the days I guess, like everyone else. I’ve done zoom yoga classes, messaged numerous friends, zoom free courses, met up with socially distanced friends in the park when allowed (two different friends on their own), spoken to family on the phone, all the time trying to stave off horrible feelings of anxiety and loneliness which really hard hit in the evenings - two or three really difficult hours until it is time to go to bed.

But now I can’t do it any more somehow - for the last week it has all felt pointless. Contact with people has completely dropped off for the most part - I am feeling a bit paranoid about this, but on the other hand I feel I have nothing to say so they must be feeling the same.

Don’t know what I am asking - I guess, is there going to be an end to this and a return to a world where socialising without being scared of infecting someone or being infected, getting close to people and falling in love will be possible again, because it doesn’t feel like it .

hit hard

I think there are many people feeling like this just now - I know many of the people I talk to are - basically a bit fed up and also anxious about getting back out there . I don't think we really thought about what it was going to be like to come out of lockdown - maybe lockdown comes and bam out we go ? The way it is happening though is dragging on and yes it looks like for many months ahead. It sounds like you have really used your time wisely and I hope you reap rewards for that . Yes - there will come a time again when things will be more normal for all of us ! Good luck with your interview .

Good luck with your interview.
It is a difficult time, we should not underestimate the mental onslaught and toll it has on us.
You have been doing so well volunteering, and doing activities that distract you from the negative thoughts.

Maybe try something that distracts you before bed like adult colouring books.

Really struggling too, dollar reasons. I don't know what to say. Exercise really helps. Sometimes I do two sessions a day (mornings and evenings). I keep hoping the world will get back to a kind of normal. Hang in there.

*similar reasons, not dollar

The lockdown has emphasised loneliness because of time in our own heads on a conscious but also subconscious level.

I would get in touch with women’s aid to talk about your past relationship. Remember you don’t have to be hit to be abused. You say you crave intimacy and that is understandable but it’s also the kind of reason why abused women fall in to further abusive relationships, plus abusers do target vulnerable women. Before people get offended and say it’s victim blaming it’s a known statistic and I have been involved with DV charities in the past.

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That was really interesting Valkadin.

Thanks for the messages and the best wishes for my job interview .

I know so many people are feeling the same - lots of love to you @Songsofexperience and everyone else who is finding it hard to cope at times or all of the time .

Thank you for the suggestions like two lots of exercise a day and the colouring books - anything which is absorbing and makes the evenings go by would be good (I could also try getting stuck into various household tasks I have been ignoring!!).

You say you crave intimacy and that is understandable but it’s also the kind of reason why abused women fall in to further abusive relationships thank you @Valkadin, yes I know I have to keep this in mind as I am not sure that my boundaries have completely firmed up, or that my craving for affection wouldn’t make me get into situations which might hurt more than anything else.

Yep I always feel bad writing that but having been involved with those DV charities and women’s groups it’s a recurring theme. There is also the general culture of women being expected to be nice and not putting our needs first ever. Take care, you don’t say how old your teens are, my DS can be a bit I’m just eating all the food and farting but he can at times be very sweet and understanding. We always have to be careful to not overshare with our dc but on a lower level it may be worth reaching out a bit to them , not splurging all our troubles out but in a general way.

I am not sure why people seem to feel they must be achieving things even in this Lockdown. Of course one hopes to pass the time productively but sometimes it is good just to be/doing nothing.
Your life could get quite busy again with the demands of a new job
Take time for yourself Reflect on what past/recent activities have given you

my DS can be a bit I’m just eating all the food and farting

ha ha that made me laugh. Mine are pretty self-centred and they eat all the food as well . I think the fact that they don't help is partly my fault - but they are also trying to get through this time and only the youngest (14) thinks lockdown is great.

I am not sure why people seem to feel they must be achieving things even in this Lockdown

it's not so much the not achieving stuff (and I have spent lots and lots of time moping / not doing much), but the waves of crashing loneliness and anxiety that come and go, for all of us I am guessing.

This weekend I decided to embrace the lack of people getting in touch (and vice-versa - I have contacted people a lot until now but I don't know what to say any more at the moment) and I felt a lot calmer.

It's the not knowing what is round the corner which is difficult as well, and in my case panicking that time is going by and that by the time we properly get out of lockdown and social distancing, it will be too late for me .

(Thank you both for your messages ).