Please help me overcome this

[2ndtimemum2]

Hi all
I'm 30 weeks pregnant and was abandoned by my narcissistic ex at 9 weeks pregnant. The last 21 weeks I have struggled with my pregnancy and the breakup and I feel like I'm being swallowed up in a black hole. He hasnt had any involvement with the exception of sending abusive messages.

I work in a very professional environment and here I am unmarried and pregnant and single. It seems like everyone around me is also pregnant but in happy relationships or marriages and I feel like a failure.

I have been emotionally abused by my ex and I cant get over it...i just feel I'm being swallowed into a black hole with no way out.

No experience but I think it's good to break things down into smaller steps, smaller problems, smaller hurdles and don't dwell on the negatives.. It sounds like you have a successful career and are financially independent. It sounds like you are well rid of of the tosser, keep him away. What are your biggest worries about the future. Who might help? What might help? But not all the problems, one at time.
You will be fine. You will have a baby to love.

He wasn't the man for you or your child, do you're better off being away from him. You won't see that now, it's still such early days. 💖

Don't think about other people and their relationships. It's possible to be lonelier in a relationship than on your own. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, whose husband is cheating, gambling, addicted to something, running up debt, abusive.

Look after yourself and your baby, don't look at your colleagues and compare. Surround yourself with people who love you and will support you 💖

What an awful man.

No you're not a failure- almost everyone has a relationship breakup at some point, and a lot of them have children. It's not your fault you were abused, and not being with him is a blessing for you and your DC. I would block him so he can't msg you- if he wants any involvement in your child's life he can fight for it, though he'll probably be too busy being self-obsessed.

Speak to your GP hun, you sound really down. xxx

You need to reframe this.

You are not a failure. You are a professional woman; strong, single and independent.

You're also free of an abusive man.

And you're beginning the most amazing adventure without anyone to hold you back. All the decisions about your child are your own.

You are not a failure. You are amazing!

I agre that reframing this is the best strategy.

My x was abusive and it is better that you didnt start out in a fake family unit house of cards only to get eroded to nothing abd then find it hard to leave.

Tell everybody at work that you're fine!
If you worry they pity you, do the reframing for them, spoon feed them.

Say 'im looking forward to it"

I think a bad relationship takes wsy more strength than single parenthood.

You will be ok. You have a good job and you can be a mother.

Please keep him out of your life.

I could have written your post. Was left twice by my ex in early pregnancy. Was surrounded by seemingly happy coupled up pregnant women in my very professional job. I grieved so hard for my ex that I used to wake up crying at night. I went for counselling throughout pregnancy but nothing lifted the pain and the dark clouds. Like you, the only contact I had was horrible.

I didn't see him from 16 weeks pregnant to a week after our son was born. I welcomed him in and his whole family. He was nice for TWO days and he turned on me again. I actually got back with him when my son was 18 months old because I was so vulnerable. Biggest mistake I ever made. It's recently ended and all that pain, worry, fear and grief was for nothing.

I wish I could give you a crystal ball because you can do this. You might miss him and grieve but in time you will see it's far, far better without him causing more pain and trouble.

Best of luck for the next few months.

Thank you all for your kind words. It just seem I'm surrounded by happy couples and at times it's hard to put on a brave face. I'm in the middle of buying a house I'm still working full time my dad is dying and I lost my little dog I has for 14 years.

My ex and I broke up and I found out he was texting another woman! He wanted this pregnancy he begged me to keep going with it even though I was uncertain...i nearly lost her and he never even went to the hospital to be with me!!

Hes called me names threatened to out all my secrets and just sent vile messages.

This not the life I planned this is not how it was to turn out and yet here I am

I Hope it makes you feel better than you and your baby will be happy alone. Block him and don't have anything to do with him until you absolutely have to.
Also don't give the baby his name. You'll have a headache getting a passport.
I know is rough but better out than in. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh OP,
How dreadful.
This is very hard.
Unfortunately you are going to have to find your inner strength.
One foot in frint of the other.
Every day.
It sounds really shit but this is it at the moment.
Please reach out for support IRL and take it.
Can work support you.
You cand and will het through this, but it won't be easy, but you will be stronger for it.

Reach out for support

@2ndtimemum2 I know it seems that you are surrounded by these “ perfect happy couples “ but please try and remember no one or no relationship is perfect.

It must be so hard with everything you have going on and grieving but please don’t be so hard on yourself! Pregnancy hormones are probably making things 10 x worse as well ( talking from experience I’m 37+4 pregnant) loads of things in your life is changing. I know it sounds daft but tell yourself at least twice a day that you are amazing and your DD is lucky to have you as her mum. You are far from a failure and when she grows up, she will be so proud of the mummy that she has and everything you have done for her please try and be kind to yourself xx

You haven't failed at all. You are stronger than you think. Your baby needs you and the man who abandoned you doesn't deserve to know either of you. Also, the people you see in relationships and who appear happy might not be. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors but you know that you and the baby will be safe on your own, if you get me. Make sure the baby has your surname and I don't know whether to recommend you apply for maintenance because it could give him a hold over you and he might demand access/start screaming about his rights. Do what is right for you and the baby and you will be fine. I hope you feel better soon.

Perhaps go for some counselling. It may really help you. I'm currently trying to leave an abusive relationship with a two year old. It is scary and I know what you mean about seeing everyone else's 'normal' around you. But as someone said to me, what is normal these days?