Fertility

[Eyre40]

I've just had a bit of a shock and i'm not sure how to react to it.
My partner and I can not have children and the only hope is to have fertility treatment, which we have investigated together.
We have just had the costs of the treatment sent to us and although I think it is a lot of money for no guarantee I am willing to go through with it.
My partner has just said it's too much money to go through with.
I really don't know what to do.
I'm devastated but also I really want this.
He said he doesn't want a child with me if that's how much its going to cost.

I'm sorry, op. You clearly have some very big decisions to make. If you want at least the opportunity to try for a child, you and your partner are not compatible if he is dead set against ivf. Are you married?

Did you go straight to a private clinic? Could you qualify for treatment on the NHS?
Each Clinical Commissioning Group has its own criteria.

We're not married and we are not eligible for NHS treatment in our area. Plus i'm 40 so time is ticking.

Can you say what the reasons for infertility is?
It will take longer at your age but natural conception isn't completely out of the realms of possibility?

How much were you quoted for the IVF? You can shop around and there are cheaper clinics out there. If you don't go for full long protocol IVF then natural modified IVF is much cheaper (I've done several rounds of that and it costs around £3.5k)

You could go for the first appt and AMH privately and then have an honest chat about your chances. If your AMH is very low then at 40 the success is small.

Low sperm count so we've been offered ICSI at between £6,000-£10,000 for treatment.

You can go abroad for less money (obviously once all the Corona stuff blows over).

Low sperm count doesn't mean complete infertility if will just take longer? How bad was his count?

£6k-£10k is extortionate - my natural
Modified with ICSI was £4.5k including all drugs. I'm with Create and they have the best results for women over 40 of any clinic (I'm not over 40 but wanted a less intensive treatment). I wouldn't pay £10k at age 40 as the success rates are a lot lower x

I’m sorry OP, do you think it’s just the initial shock at the cost? Or do you think it’s just his pride over the diagnosis?
I would let things calm a little and then perhaps ask him how he sees the future without going down this root. Suss out how he feels about “definitely” not having children-
Separate to the cost.

Oh my gosh.....Thanks ivfgottostaypositive,

I've just done a google and yes they are a lot cheaper and they do sperm donor also.

I just have a big decision to make now.

@Eyre40

No problem.

Using donor sperm is a big thing - I'd try a round with your partner first - if you don't try you won't ever know

Create also offer finance packages - over 2 years I think the repayments were a couple of hundred a month max x

I had ivf in Poland at Invicta clinic. They’ve amazing success rates and are a lot more affordable than in the UK. The package I chose included icsi and all the stim meds too.

As an aside, one of the factors in our having ivf was low sperm count. Does your dp eat a lot of peas? My dh followed a boost sperm diet (and cut out peas) and had normal sperm test results when we started ivf, so much so they ran the tests again! I had fertility issues hence continuing with ivf.

I’m so sorry you’re facing this, needing to have fertility treatment absolutely sucks.

It sounds like a really hard situation. I guess with you going for fertility tests he had an idea this was coming though, could it be a male pride thing or is he worried about money with the pandemic?
We're likely to need fertility treatment and before we went for the initial tests had a really frank conversation about what we would be prepared to do, I guess sometimes things change once confronted with reality. Really feel for you because it's hard enough as it is. X