My gf is distant with me but says shes fine

[Andy85]

Hi. Basically there are a lot of details to this which I wont go into but basically my gf has become very distant with me.
I have tried talking to her about it and asking her how she feels. She always says she is fine and we are good and there is nothing wrong. She claims I am too sensitive and needy. But in the last 2 weeks we havent had an easy conversation.. one that isn't small talk. I cant get her to open up. She loves me and wants to be with me but she just doesnt seem interested. She doesn't recognise that we have an issue and doesnt seem to care how i feel about it. I am thinking about leaving but I love her.

You aren’t a good couple because you can’t communicate.

That is a massive problem and doesn’t look like it is able to be solved.

So how do I get her to come back to me?

Also it's worrying you word it this way.

You can't make someone want you enough for it to work.

It sounds suffocating to be honest, I would feel really stifled and you're clearly willing to play games by asking what you should do to "get" her back.

Stop playing games, accept that good relationships don't look like this and focus on the rest of your life and your children.

It's over.

1. She doesn't care about being close. She doesn't want to be close.

1. She isn't telling you how she really feels. She doesn't want to talk to you about it.

1. She is showing she doesn't care about your needs. You need more and her reply was to insult you.

1. She isn't into you but she doesn't have the guts to end it because she thinks you're needy and she can't be arsed with the fallout right now.

Sorry, OP. In your shoes I would get in there first and dump her. You know it's coming. She doesn't care about you so it will never work anyway. I would tell her ''you evidently don't care about my needs, when I show myself as vulnerable and in need of reassurance, your response was to insult me, I can do better than this, see you 'round''.

She’s not that into you.
If she was you’d know it.

I’m assuming she thinks you’re “better than nothing“ or that she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by dumping you. Neither of which is good news for you.

You need to back off.
Start your own hobbies online or going for walks or something that gets your mind off her and perhaps makes you more self sufficient and interesting to talk to. Don’t be so available. See if she notices. Or cares.
I think you know how this is going to pan out though you are refusing to see it. What you want and what she wants don’t seem to be compatible. Sorry.

OP, on the occasions you’ve got back together, what has happened leading up to that? We’re you the one wanting to get back together or was it her chasing you?

What I’m really asking I suppose is when you have split previously, did you chase her, keep contacting her?

This is one is pretty straightforward sorry.

She doesn’t want to be with you. Either she wants someone else, doesn’t feel the same or both.

Don’t waste your energy playing psychologist and Googling avoidant attachment etc as you’ll just look for things to justify her behaviour.