Need a handhold

[Dementeddotcom]

Honestly I don’t even know what to write but I know I need to leave the relationship I’m in. 33 weeks pregnant and all he’s done is cause me insane amounts of stress and hasn’t been supportive at all. I bought all of our items for baby second hand, not that we couldn’t afford it or anything but I was not prioritising spending £1000s on baby items when I could spend £300 and put money into savings for him. Boyfriend went off his head that we are taking ‘other peoples crap’ and don’t want junk in ‘his’ house. We are 50/50 on the mortgage by the way I need to leave this relationship but I am too exhausted to do so 😭

I know there are people out there with much worse issues than I do right now but honestly I can’t deal with this level of stress and constantly being upset

Is this the only thing he's done, albeit regularly? What else is exhausting you?

@CaughtInAnnette we got the keys to our house when I was 20 weeks pregnant, we told his mum we were expecting and she ripped up the scan pic and threatened to kill herself, he then made me stay there for a further 12 weeks while he decided to renovate the entire house and basically refused to let me move our bed across. I don’t have contract with my family as they are alcohol/drug abusers and when I did try to get a hotel he would get extremely upset and I would worry for his mental health. His mum was fine with us living with her until we got into the house (we paid rent etc) during this time his little brother punched me in the stomach at 25 weeks and I had a leak - thankfully okay now — but he still wouldn’t let me bring out bed across. During my pregnancy I’ve been working full time in a care home while studying full time for my HNC (just completed it last week!) I was signed off work for a few weeks with SPD and he would call me lazy even though I literally couldn’t walk!

I started a small Instagram page as I’m into finances and budgeting etc and he totally mocked me for it, even though he had a page dedicated to his car (it’s a car he had modded himself and I’m totally supportive of it)! He’s also called me disgusting as I want to use cloth nappies and he’s said he doesn’t ‘want shit in HIS washing machine’ as if it’s his not mine. I paid 50% of the deposit and more but he had more money sitting and he wanted more expensive items for the house, I said I would take care of the baby stuff and he can do the house stuff, because I didn’t think we NEEDED a new kitchen, or a Sonos surround sound or whatever but I don’t mind! I also said I’d buy the baby stuff because I knew I wanted to buy items second hand and he just wouldn’t have it. I bought a Snuzpod2 for £45, with a brand new mattress and new netting for it so the cot is essentially new - I have had to lie and say these were ex display models etc and that’s how they’re so cheap. I was given bags of baby clothes from my step-aunties who have recently had little boys and he went off his head. One of the aunties baby had went straight into 3-6 month clothes so all the newborn and 0-3 is literally brand new and he still was angry. She gave us a mamas and papas light up swing etc all for free and he didn’t speak to me for hours he was so annoyed!? Sorry for this rant I honestly just am at my wits end.

Yes. You do need to leave this "relationship"

He sounds like a proper fucking nightmare, as well as his family. Can you speak to a women's aid charity or refuge to get you out in the short term while you speak to a solicitor about sorting the rest of your finances out? Do you have a friend you could stay with?

OP this isn't a relationship. It's mental and physical abuse and you need to get out of it NOW.

Yes so this was basically me three years ago

The shouting and abuse led to lots of cramping and bleeding

There was no way I was allowed to use second hand stuff

He sulked if a friend sent us a gift - it wasn't good enough

The bed was beside a window with a terrible gap - it was December I was 38 weeks preg and no way was I allowed to move this bed to be warmer

Oh and the lazy part and not walking fast enough for him 😢😢😢

I'm sorry you need an exit plan for tomorrow

Please please do
We are here to help on here

I'm free with my kids now
Safe and happy
He will hopefully go to jail but I made it out ok

He sounds a complete nightmare and his family does, too.

Be practical. Where can you go to? Have you enough money for a rental deposit?

I can't imagine how stressful it would be to live with him and a newborn - you'll feel fantastic when you're on your own with the baby.