I feel like I didn't get enough parenting...

[Wishingstarr]

....how do I overcome it?

(I have name changed) This may seem strange but I am 51, married with teens. My mum died when I was 13 and my dad died a few years later of a heart attack. After my mum died my dad turned out to be bipolar and was very neglectful so I didn't get any more parenting after my mum died.

I still feel very "unfinshed" and lacking practical skills as my parents were very intellectual so I tried to use my brain to survive. But now I feel so unfulfilled, so much of my energy seemed to be focused on surviving.

What do you suggest?

My life sounds really similar op. I was a similar age when my mum died and my dad a decade later. I never really got any help or advice with anything. Now, as an adult I find I internalise all my problems. It never occurs to me that I could ask anyone for help ever. Sorry I don't have much advice..but I know exactly what you mean.

Ddij, why does your mum have a say in repairs on your house?

That sounds awful @DDIJ. Do you still live with her? You mentioned she won't let tradespeople in

Doesn't sound strange at all OP, sounds perfectly understandable. I had a similar experience of feeling not parented enough, both emotionally and practically. Psychotherapy was the way forward for me - it helped me to figure out what was going on for me, how I was really feeling deep down, involved a lot of grieving for stuff I needed but didnt get as a child, and helped me to become a calmer, more rounded adult. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself

OP, I had narcissist and abusive parents so had no love or affection for my whole childhood. I was saved by my DH, who met all my emotional needs, and after his (tragically early) death, by his dear old autistic maiden aunt, who was almost a surrogate mother to me, and such a help when I was widowed with two babies.
Are your PILs affectionate? Could they be parent figures for you? Could your DH meet some of your needs? And would counselling be a thought, to help you parent your own “inner child” to some degree?

Thanks every body 💐 unfortunately my PILs are divorced and I just didn't realise, maybe for obvious reasons, how having great ILs could have helped me. I met DH in a different country and his parents lived a long way away so I didn't know them very much before our wedding They were not interested in me. My MIL is sort of obsessed with DH and treats him like a surrogate husband but luckily she lives a long way away. Both my PIL seem strangely self-involved, neither asked me about my background or family at all and FIL didn't come to our wedding because he said he couldn't afford to (but then went a bought a new car!😄). I think they just see me as an extension of DH.

I've seen this - my father had a difficult childhood and literally had no idea what a loving family was like.

Do you have parent friends with happy family backgrounds that you can visit and surreptitiously observe?
I learnt a lot from my in-laws :)

Practical stuff, yes it's a pain that you might have to start from scratch rather than picking it up at home but YouTube, determination and hints from friends make up for it.

Do you feel like you need to nurture the emotional side of your life? I feel that to an extent. Books/films/you know THE ARTS - help a bit. People writing about their own childhood and families.