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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He walked out and moved on fast

5 replies

Ephemeralbliss · 04/06/2020 09:06

I'll try keep this brief! I met my ex just under 3 years ago. We were both fairly recently divorced with young children. Our relationship certainly had its ups and downs, as he seemed to still be very much carrying a torch for his ex wife. An anxiety developed between us as I felt his ex wife was constantly being made the priority while I was kept away from family, friends, children etc. A year and a half into the relationship, he ended things, however we carried on seeing each other and eventually decided to try again.

Things went well for a while - he finally introduced me to his family and two sons (something I'd been denied for the entire first year together.) Unfortunately, however the issues from the previous year came creeping back in - exacerbated by the fact I'd found out that during the months we were apart, he'd been seeing with other women and had lied to me numerous times that he hadn't. The lies continued, as did the EA. He also started witholding communication, refusing to discuss any issues and spending more and more time apart. Then, a year and a half on, he ended things again, abruptly. He just walked out and was on Tinder the very next day speaking to someone. Less than two months later, he is practically living with this woman (again - something he denied me for the whole time we were together). I just feel so upset and used! I have a young child, who is obviously also confused as to where he and his kids have suddenly vanished to.

I'm trying hard to move on, as I know I have to, but I still love this man and miss the good parts of the relationship. I also feel hurt - and angry - that I wasted so much time on a man who I now believe must have felt nothing for me. I really don't feel like I'm coping as well as I should be.

OP posts:
Raella50 · 04/06/2020 09:13

OP it really sounds and though it was a short-lived, toxic relationship that you’re best out of! There isn’t anything to be done here except to accept it’s over and move on. Have a good cry over some good films if you need to; talk to your family/ friends and have a good rant; feel sad for a few days if you need to... then when you’re ready hold your head up and breathe. Enjoy a more tranquille life your small child without arguments with him in your head. He’s gone and all of that ridiculous, stressful crap has gone with him. Move on and lead a better life without him. Best of luck to you.

TwentyViginti · 04/06/2020 09:15

You were the 'good enough for now' woman. There were too many issues from his side in your relationship, you've dodged a very toxic bullet, and should have walked a long time ago. Stop stalking him online and watching his new relationship. It's only causing you harm.

Ephemeralbliss · 04/06/2020 10:40

Thanks Raella - I am trying to let it go. Just hard to see he's moved on as though the relationship meant nothing and is now busy lovebombing the next woman.

Twenty - 'good enough for now' woman sounds about right. And probably what I'd suspected all along!

OP posts:
DocJane · 04/06/2020 10:56

Sometimes all you are left with is your dignity so stop stalking him online and watching his new relationship.It's stopping you moving on emotionally and that is counterproductive.

Ephemeralbliss · 04/06/2020 11:44

DocJane - agreed Jane. I haven't stalked him online. He doesn't have any online accounts. I was told about the new relationship by a mutual friend. We live in different cities a couple of hours apart so I've had no contact with him since.

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