He dumped me & I’m pregnant

[Whattodo987]

I have posted before but my boyfriend is a compulsive liar and whilst I know I’m better off without I was still willing to work on things with him because I stupidly loved him so much.

The pregnancy wasn’t planned but we were both so happy about it. Then a few days ago he just told me that this is all too much and that he doesn’t want any of it. That was after a perfect day where we’d been house hunting and we’re both so excited about our future together. I’ve felt he thought that way the whole relationship but as he’s such a liar he has never been honest with me about anything. We slept together last night and he told me I’m so beautiful and he can’t ever be without me. I woke up this morning so happy and gave him a cuddle and instead of being nice back he just told me it was over.

The worst thing is he is blaming everything on me and saying how he didn’t know I was so volatile because I have depression - thing is I’m fine but he has treated me poorly so I’m not exactly going to be happy all the time.

Now I’m pregnant with his child and have my other lovely children in his home that adore him and his child. They have been dreaming of us all being a little family - they don’t know I’m pregnant - they will be devastated.

I now need to pack and start over. I don’t even know what to do. Do I have a baby alone? He told me he wants to be involved but tbh I don’t want him to be - and I don’t say that lightly as my other children have involvement from their dad. But his family are nasty, and he is also someone that had I known who he truly is I wouldn’t have been with him.

He has completely destroyed my life. I’m in shock and right now need to pack what little I can and run away from this nightmare. I’m terrified of raising a baby alone but also I’d hate to abort when I actually wanted one more baby. Anyone who has raised a baby alone please give me some support x

Where did you and your children live before ckfs you moved in with him?

If he wants to be in the baby's life then you are going to have to deal with him and the child will have access to his family.

You are also sending out mixed messages. One minute its house hunting and perfect, the next he is awful and you want to shut him out of his baby's life - which one is it?

I would quietly end the pregnancy, not tell your children, move to your parents and block him, you deserve a better life

It doesn't matter how ecstatic your DC will be to have a sibling. They won't have to care for it, pay for it, make allowances for it, they are just seeing 'great, cute baby to play with!'. Don't tell them.

Sit down calmly with another adult (parent?) and talk through your options. This man sounds like a bad decision all round, liar, abusive, aggressive, yet you stayed with him. You need to work out why, before you even start to think about bringing another life into the world.

Because it's quite seriously messed up to be living with a man who treats you badly, with your kids, and now be out on the streets because of him. Without factoring in another child.

Op if I were you I’d have an abortion.

Just think of all the issues you’re going to have if this man is what you say he is. You’ll never be rid of him, is that fair on your other children? Can you financially support another child?

I say this as someone with many half siblings, things get messy!

Because it's quite seriously messed up to be living with a man who treats you badly, with your kids, and now be out on the streets because of him. Without factoring in another child.

This is an excellent point.

Yeh I'm sorry op but dont have a baby with a physically abusive man if there is still time to avoid that. You dont want to be tied to him forever. And as pp have said, he will likely get custody rights. Putting that child at risk of abuse.

Dont do it.

But if you do...move far far away, where he cant find you. Dont put his name down as the father on the birth certificate either.

I wish posters wouldnt pick OP like this apart. She’s obviously very confused, hurt and angry - which is very understandable. Not many people come on here looking for help with Cristal clear clarity.

Whattodo if your still on here I can understand where your at right now. Dd1 father left me when I was pregnant. Apparently it was because I wouldn’t iron his jeans

Even though we’d been baby shopping ect he was too immature to deal with the magnitude of becoming a father. It’s all bullshit.

Luckily you have a place to go to. A safe space for you and the kids where you can gather your thoughts.

I raised dd1 till she was 15 by myself - I was only 16 at the time. You can do it. She’s amazing and confident and incredibly independent. She is 24 now, lives in Dubai and flies around the world for her career.

If you don’t want to keep the pregnancy it’s totally up to you.

But this isn’t the end of your life - it’s just the end of one chapter and the start of another

I was still willing to work on things with him because I stupidly loved him so much.

Bullshit! You were willing to put up with and expose your kids to, a toxic relationship to get the ‘happy families’ appearance pay off.

I think if your children were old enough to appreciate the price of having a sibling from this man, they wouldn’t be so ‘desperate’.

I find it very distasteful how much your children lives are interwoven in this mess.

In your shoes I would be seriously considering an abortion. If you feel that he would be an unsuitable parent then do not tie yourself to him and his family for the next 18 years. You will have no way of stopping him seeing his child - the bar for preventing access is quite high.

Your alternative is to move far away, cut off all contact with him and leave him off the birth certificate. Even then, there is nothing to stop him from tracing you, applying to the courts for parental responsibility and then pursuing access to your child.

If the choice was there and things were at an early stage, then I would not have a baby with someone who was violent or abusive.

Sonotech Great that things have worked out for you!

But this will be ops 3rd child, she needs to take that into consideration. It’s not just what she wants, it’s what her family needs.

If I was made homeless by a bloke and already had kids, there would be no chance I’d have his baby!

@Namechange8471

Sonotech Great that things have worked out for you!

But this will be ops 3rd child, she needs to take that into consideration. It’s not just what she wants, it’s what her family needs.

If I was made homeless by a bloke and already had kids, there would be no chance I’d have his baby!

And others still would. She asked for advice on what it would be like bringing up a baby on your own. She wanted this baby so will struggle to abort it. It’s easy for random people to say that they would abort when they are not living this situation.

Some of the posts have gone past advice and support in to berating and bring nasty to the OP - it’s hardly helpful and causes women not to come back in to the thread.

Have a termination and ditch the man. Then you'll be free of him. He doesn't know what he wants and it is obviously not a baby.

If you go ahead and have the child you'll have two part time dads in your life, you need to be free. There is no need for your children to know anything about your pregnancy, it's your business.

The man has told you it's over, take him at his word.

Op, how old are your kids? I think it’ll be a good idea to move to your parents place for a while. (I’m assuming your parents are happy to look after the kids) Also once you return to work after the baby, having back up options for childcare will really help! You are lucky to have supportive parents!

OP, single parent since day 1. My DD's father is not in her life at all nor is he on any of her documentation. It's been difficult at times but I wouldn't change things as I wouldn't want an half-arsed father in her life. We have a great relationship, are drama-free and happy.

However, I have one child. I'm not sure I could do the single parent bit again nor would I want to for a variety of reasons: I love the relationship dynamic DD and I have, we have a lot freedom (and time!) to do stuff together and, financially, another child would be a struggle for us.

In your position, I'd terminate the pregnancy and cut this guy off.

Hope you figure things out.

Just because he was aggressive to you doesn't mean he won't be entitled to access to his child should he want it. I would think long and hard if you really want to be tied to him forever.