If You've Taken a Break from Dating ....

[Jaffalady]

If you've taken a break from dating during lockdown or at any other time have you learn't anything? Are there things you will do differently when you start dating again?

I think next time round I'll try and get to know someone slowly .....

I'm happily just spending my time doing stuff I enjoy and also learning things by processing my last 'relationship.'

I find that men can be very disrespectful and sexually coercive.

I've never been easily been able to confront or bin men like this.

Have promised myself that if I ever face any of the disparaging comments or nagging for sex again, they will be out the door or at the very least blocked.

Not settling for anyone less than I deserve
Take lovebombing with a pinch of salt
Taking the time to get to know someone but on the other hand not wasting months if it's not working.
Not being too available in early stages, making time for myself and not putting too much engergy into someone I hardly know.

I've actually learnt quite alot about myself recently and will go into dating with a healthier mind when i'm ready to.

I think for me, I've learned that in the past I've been pushed (or allowed myself to be pushed) into allowing men to move too much into my life, too quickly. To want to see me all the time, To want to be part of my family, my house, my pets, my kids. I've enjoyed having my own space, I realise it's important to me. I've enjoyed spending time in the house alone, making my own decisions, not being swayed by other people (I'm naturally a slower, reflective decision maker, and it takes me a while, I'm also a people pleaser). I want dates, and mini breaks and activities together, I don't necessarily want anything more than that.

So once I start dating again (and it won't be for a while), I will be reinforcing those boundaries, making sure I don't get pushed into a really serious relationship too quickly. A relationship doesn't have to mean seeing each other every day.

I'm on a break from dating, although it is quite likely to be permanent. I have such high boundaries now that the chance of someone making it past them is low! He would have to be very special. I feel like I've made every dating mistake that exists in the past. When I think about making the effort to actually look for someone, I just can't be bothered. I feel the value that a random man might bring to my life is lower than the effort required to find and attract said man! So why bother? That said, if I did start dating someone again I would take it very slowly and be off at the first red flag, instead of making excuses for the person.

All really good points. Thanks for replying.

I'm enjoying a bit of time out from dating.

That I could get used to this?

I am 28 and have been dating since I was 13 with really only a gap of 1.5 years in between. It is so nice just to focus on me and my passions for a change.

I have learned that I will not accept less than i deserve. It may sound trite but i too often fall into doing the chasing with guys that are happy to go along for the ride for a while and or only be a half partner to me.

Like a PP said the person would have to special. I dont have a laundry list, my last ex was shorter than I would usually date for example. Also I havent had any luck with dating men in their 20s and am looking to date a bit older in future.

Also like @Meruem said I would heed red flags much earlier. My last serious ex I detected red flags within 2 months. He turned out to be a cheat and those red flags revealed something about his character. They were fleeting moments but I wouldnt ignore these in future.

I think it would be nice just to be able to dial up a guy like a pizza or Chinese.

The delivery guys always seem v friendly. Could combine the services?!

Sorry ... am being facetious.

I have reflected on my own value. Lockdown has made me feel more precious and that others too are more precious.

And I've been reminded of the absolute joy of simple pleasures.

I don't need to go out for dinner. I'd just be happy to hold hands.

Same here. Lockdown has given me more time to focus on hobbies etc and to think about what I'm looking for in a partner.