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Original poster

Attracted to someone again after 35 years

20 replies

Ibizafun · 03/06/2020 19:27

In my 50’s and happily married. Worked with someone in my late teens/early 20’s who was seven years older than me who, looking back, I was definitely in love with, but also saw as a kind of father figure. I had a boyfriend my age at the time. I let this man slip through my fingers and saw him in my dreams for years and years. Strange thing to say- but it’s rare for me to fancy anyone. He’s married and happy.

My husband introduced me again to him today as he’s doing business with him. After 35 years I felt exactly the same. Talking to him this time I felt his equal, not an immature girl. I have no idea if he felt the same back then, but my gut at the time told me he did.

Meeting him today really shocked me because after 35 years the chemistry was still palpable. Has anyone had similar?

OP posts:
wehaveafloater · 03/06/2020 19:40

I bumped into old 'friends' last week who I hadn't seen for years and they said I looked exactly the same but with a change of hair colour . ( it's got natures highlights of the silver variety ) I still found her to be rude/abrasive and curt and him to be a pervert, so sadly not the pleasant experience that you had. Hopefully I won't bump into them again! But you, on the other hand, will you be seeing more of this chap ? I'm intrigued!

EthelMayFergus · 03/06/2020 19:53

Did he recognise you? Did your husband notice that it wasn't the first time that you've met? If you're both happily married I'd try and keep my distance I think and try to put him out of my mind.

Original poster
Ibizafun · 03/06/2020 20:03

I will not be seeing more of him, I wouldn’t be a fool and hurt my lovely dh, nor I’m sure would this man even contemplate it, being married. He recognised me immediately and we were talking in front of dh about when we worked together.

He asked me what the age difference back then was between us, which I found a strange question. I didn’t tell dh how I felt all those years ago, let alone how I felt today!

OP posts:
Sugartitss · 03/06/2020 20:40

Honestly, get a grip. He’s married and so are you!

Original poster
Ibizafun · 03/06/2020 20:44

Don’t need to get a grip, just wondered if anyone else had felt like this after so long!

OP posts:
Recoverandthrive · 03/06/2020 23:58

Yes I had similar, let someone slip through (one of my biggest regrets) and it's rare for me to fancy some one too but I've had so many dreams about him throughout the years. It's bizarre as I don't think of him that much in daily life but clearly he's in my subconscious.

Original poster
Ibizafun · 04/06/2020 11:18

Recoverandthrive very similar experience to me then.

OP posts:
brambee · 04/06/2020 11:26

I met an old boyfriend after 26 years and it was quite a shock to find that the chemistry was still there. It was the same for him as well. It obviously depends on your circumstances as to what you do about this, but it was a revelation to me that these 'chemistry' things can be so enduring. I think this is what you are asking. You sound very happily married, but if you are like me this may have surprised you.

Recoverandthrive · 04/06/2020 13:07

I have noticed with myself however, that it tends to be in times when life isn't going so well so I guess my subconscious is saying what if I had been with this other guy then how would life have turned out 'sliding doors' style.

Songsofexperience · 04/06/2020 13:25

I think if you had genuine feelings for someone it's very possible that seeing or hearing from that person even after decades would 'reactivate' them. Happened to me very recently but in my case it was the last thing I needed.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 04/06/2020 13:32

Oh yes. Was madly in love with someone in my twenties - he was 6 months older than me. Thought he was the one. He left me for someone else and I didn't see him for 20 years.

Then one day, I was on a bus and there he was. We chatted all the way to work and it felt like we hadn't been apart for more than 5 minutes.

No question of anything though, as he is still with the DP he left me for, so my contact with him is generally email and when we get together, it's with his DP.

Original poster
Ibizafun · 05/06/2020 15:46

Brambee rhanks yes that’s just what I was asking.. I’m over it today anyway but I think, like you, I was just surprised to feel the same after 35 years.

In my case I married the boy my age I was with- poor decision as he was abusive and we divorced after two children. He married his girlfriend who he is still happy with. I was exceptionally lucky to meet dh in My late 30’s.

TheSecondMrsAshwell, how do you feel when meeting up with him and his wife/partner?

OP posts:
JosephineDeBeauharnais · 05/06/2020 15:50

I’m in a similar situation with a man I was involved with 35 years ago. Thankfully he lives across the pond so there’s no chance of anything getting out of hand. It’s a nice little daydreamy diversion and that’s it. DH did find it a bit odd when friend came for an overnight visit a couple of years ago and wasn’t entirely comfortable but it was ok.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 05/06/2020 15:51

Mine has never married btw.

backseatcookers · 05/06/2020 20:41

I’m in a similar situation with a man I was involved with 35 years ago. Thankfully he lives across the pond so there’s no chance of anything getting out of hand. It’s a nice little daydreamy diversion and that’s it. DH did find it a bit odd when friend came for an overnight visit a couple of years ago and wasn’t entirely comfortable but it was ok.

Having someone you've been with before, who you still fancy, to stay overnight in your home with your husband when he is uncomfortable with it isn't very nice really is it. Especially when the reason it won't get out of hand is geography and not your love for your DH.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 05/06/2020 20:53

TheSecondMrsAshwell, how do you feel when meeting up with him and his wife/partner?

I really like her, she's a very nice lady. He's happy with her, so....... I did wonder whether he might still be interested in me, then I saw him do something small and intimate for her (not sexual, you understand, a tiny courtesy that only a man would pay to the woman he loved - can't say what as it might out me) and I thought "yeah, nothing to see here, I'm not needed" and I think I was relieved. Her place is there, mine is here. All sorted.

If I decided to knit a jealousy out of it, I could. But I prefer to look after the relationship I've got rather than torture myself.

OwlDoll · 06/06/2020 12:43

I was madly in "love" with a friend of my brother's from the age of 12 until I left school. Nothing ever happened between us but any time he was in our house he made a point of sitting chatting to me and if we met outside he would always make a beeline for me to the extent that others would comment on it and tease him for 'fancying' me. So it was all completely innocent and nothing ever happened but I would always have that stomach churning feeling any time I saw him or even thought about him. I often think that if we had met when we were out at night in a club or whatever we would have got together. But I was quite quiet and studious as a teenager and didn't really start going to pubs and clubs until I was away at university. I think I last saw him when I was about 17.
Anyway, about 20 years later I went to Mass in my old hometown. I had my three children with me and I was late so I was hurrying them into the pew and didn't take any notice of anyone else sitting near me. When the time came for the sign of peace which is about 25 minutes into the mass I felt someone tap me on the back. I turned around and there, standing with his hand held out, was my first love. Instead of saying peace be with you all he said was, "Well Owldoll, how are you?"
At that moment my stomach seemed to drop. As I turned around again all those feelings that I experienced 20 years before came flooding back. That stomach churning ache was back and I felt as if my back was glowing red, as if I could actually feel the heat radiate off him. To say I was surprised by these feelings is an understatement. I was a 37 year old married mother of three who was very much in love with my husband so why was I feeling like this. It was like my mind had forgotten about him, because to be honest I hadn't thought about him much in the intervening 20 years, but my body still remembered him and how he had always made me feel. So, as I sat with my hands literally trembling I decided to just go with it, enjoy the experience and remember what it felt like to be a teenager.
Of course we chatted once Mass was over and the feelings eased a bit but it was really strange how those feelings came flooding back when I first saw him.
I've seen him a couple of times since this and I'm glad to say those feelings have completely gone, although I will always have a soft spot for him.

Original poster
Ibizafun · 07/06/2020 17:33

Thanks so much OwlDoll for your experience- perhaps it’s like when you smell something or listen to a song and you can place yourself right back in time

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 07/06/2020 17:37

"Lockdown Limerance"

OwlDoll · 08/06/2020 00:20

Ibizafun, you've described it perfectly. That's exactly what it was like.

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