Not sure I reacted well to him having a child

[cotdottons]

I had been messaging a guy online since the weekend. We had stuff in common and seemed to have a laugh and a good bit to talk about.
We got onto the subject of our families and he told me he had a little girl who keeps him busy. I actually have never chatted to a guy online who has kids and I was a bit taken aback, not in a bad way though. I work with kids and I don’t think that would stop me from dating a guy I really liked.
My reply to him was polite, as in I replied to other parts of his message. My reaction to him having a little girl went something along the lines of “oh lovely, wasn’t expecting that from you though (with laughing emoji- I know stupid of me) and what age is she”?

I haven’t heard back from him since. The minute I read back over the message I thought it looked quite judgemental and snobby. Like what would I even “expect” of a guy who I’ve spoken to for a few days. I didn’t mean it in a snobby way, and I know if I met him in a bar and he told me about his child I’d probably just say oh that’s nice what age is she. Even if he was never going to reply to me anyway, I’d hate to think that anyone thought I was judgemental of people who are dating that have children as I’m genuinely not.
Should I message him to say I phrased my message badly and I didn’t mean to sound judgemental?! Or just leave it and take it as a lesson if I’m chatting to another guy who has kids to not say “I wouldn’t expect that to come from you”.

He just seems like a nice guy and if that was the only reason he stopped messaging me I’d be kicking myself.

Just leave it. I'd probably react the same way he did tbh. Your comment makes it sound a bit like you thought he was too young/immature/unattractive to have fathered a child. Or that you're really not looking for someone who has a kid.

Ah well, live and learn.

When he said she keeps him busy I would have backed off. That translates as he’s not going to have time for you and you can’t complain.

Some people are just so sensitive, you didn't say it in a nasty way and still showed interest. Or op some people just ghost anyway and was nothing to do with what you said, just leave it.

Sorry should have rtft

Sorry I just saw your update that he replied back :) that's great, see it's not always anything to do with what you've said.

I honestly cannot see anything wrong in your text!

You sound lovely op, good luck!

Just leave it. I'd probably react the same way he did tbh. Your comment makes it sound a bit like you thought he was too young/immature/unattractive to have fathered a child. Or that you're really not looking for someone who has a kid.

Wtaf. How? How do you get that from her text.

Great news op

Great you got the reply you were looking for. You've gone to great lengths to point out that you aren't "judgemental" about kids and I just wanted to add that it's ok to be a bit "judgemental" when it comes to dating. It's perfectly normal to have boundaries about this. Dating and then being in a relationship with someone with children from a previous relationship is really, really hard work and can have a massive impact on YOUR life - finances, holidays, where in the country you can work and live, how many kids you can have (if any). If I was chatting to someone on line for any length of time and they hadn't told me they had kids, I would actually be pretty annoyed.

You were just surprised. Many of us have done something similar.

Hope it works out. I think busy with a child is a good way for a father to be, but keep that in mind if he doesn't respond right away in the future. I'm sure he likes the fact that you work with children.

I don't think you'd have come across as judgmental OP but the subtext of your response says to me that you hadn't planned on kids being a feature of your dating life, particularly as he said she takes up so much of his time. Nothing wrong with wanting to date someone with no kids at all. Maybe that's not what you meant at all but that's how I'd have interpreted it. And it's as @TodayIHaveGotThis says, when you online date you make snap decisions, and can afford to as you move onto the next.

Chalk it up to experience and maybe explore your limits on dating someone with kids, so you're clear about what you want.

In the childfree community, people who hide their parental status in their dating profile aren’t look upon well. Please no photos of your children on dating apps, that’s weird (or edit pic & block out face if you love the photo ) but talking to someone since the weekend & they casually drop their parental status ? Swipe, thank you next !

Interesting viewpoint. I've never mentioned my parental status on a profile - could attract the wrong sort of attention. Always address it in the first few messages though but it isn't something I would specifically highlight before I actually got talking to someone.

I mentioned (in a comical way) I had a teenager and a cat. Two potential deal breakers out in the open. I didn't want to meet someone with young kids (had to be at least or much older than my own) but I didn't put that on my profile as from looking at other profiles I felt listing specifics of what you want/don't want comes across as not particularly warm. If though I matched with someone who had young kids that weren't apparent from the profile, I retreated quickly. And I never matched with anyone whose pics contained anyone other than them, with the exception of a pet

Too much hard work already... BLOCK
Block the OP? I would.
It doesn't matter how it was meant, it was what you said.
It does sound judgemental to me I would be thinking 'I haven't got time for this'

@notacooldad

Too much hard work already... BLOCK Block the OP? I would. It doesn't matter how it was meant, it was what you said. It does sound judgemental to me I would be thinking 'I haven't got time for this'

Luckily OP's potential new date took a more considered view.

OP,

You sound lovely.

Wishing you well.

TwentyViginti
So what? I wasnt the only person who said that but why are you only calling me out on it🤷‍♀️