Massive identity crisis

[Songsofexperience]

Not sure where to post this. I thought relationship was probably the most suitable. I'm going through a rough patch at the moment. My marriage has broken down, I've lost my job and have also been haunted by past trauma and heartbreak that took place in my country of birth.

I've been here for over two decades so we are talking about really old events however they've been bubbling up to the surface. When i left for the uk, i completely started afresh as if the previous years hadn't happened. But i miss not having friends or any sort of ties with my place of birth. I don't relate to it anymore at all. I am British now anyway. This is 100% my country.

Many first generation immigrants belong to some sort of community or have extended family back wherever they're originally from. I don't. I think perhaps it's catching up with me and a part of me feels irreparably broken. I don't think it's due to missing the culture, more like it would be nice to have friends who knew me when i was a child/ teen.

I have started therapy. I am proactively sorting everything out, including looking for a new job. However, I feel a sense of overwhelming sadness and it's interfering with my everyday life.

I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time, and I'm glad to see you're getting therapy. I don't have any specific advise to offer, but I did have one thought. Might you be in the midst of peri-menopause/menopause? Obviously, if you are, it in no way negates the hardships you've experienced, but in terms of your mental health peri and/or menopause can definitely make everything so much worse. Peri/menopause exacerbates anxiety, depression, low moods, and can physically make you feel horrible, all of which only compound your struggles.

Thanks for your reply aquamarine. I'm not in perimenopause yet (had hormone levels tested). However it does feel like a text book midlife crisis...

Might you be in the midst of peri-menopause/menopause?

OP has said that she went through a marriage breakup, job loss etc so of course she's not going to be at her best.

@Songsofexperience If you have some unpleasant experiences, or are a bit down, it can bring back other painful things that have happened to you. Also it might mean you realize you don't have as much support as you would like.

You could see your GP and they may suggest a course of treatment as perhaps you are a bit depressed.

A therapy called EMDR can be helpful for past trauma and it's effects- I'd recommend it.

You could look for any old friends/acquaintances you can think of on Facebook and friend request them. If there's a FB page for your school, you could post asking to hear from people in your year, or others who might remember you.

There are also often cultural groups in cities and towns for people who were brought up in a particular culture. If you join one you might be able to make new friends from that culture, which might scratch some of your itch.

Best wishes xxxxx

I've been talking to friends but I really don't want to burden them too much with my problems. I just don't know what to do when I feel so incredibly low and there's nothing to take my mind off it. Usually I'd go to the cinema or have a coffee with someone. Work is also a great plaster. None of the usual diversions are available right now.

I would really recommend speaking to your GP, and trying medication, plus being put on the waiting list for NHS therapy.

Therapists are also doing sessions over the phone or video link at the moment, which you might find helpful.

A lot of the usual diversions are going to start up again a little soon, which might help. xxx

You could look for any old friends/acquaintances you can think of on Facebook and friend request them. If there's a FB page for your school, you could post asking to hear from people in your year, or others who might remember you.

Ah yes- I've done that. The problem is that one of the main issue I need to address happened at school and when I reached out to those friends it revived the old wound. It's a bit tricky because I feel a strong need to move past it now.

I've not heard of EMDR but I'll look into it, thanks!!