I'm so conflicted right now.
My relationship with my husband is abusive. Not physically but mentally and verbally.
He's never been entirely reasonable but since my son was born (2yrs ago) he's been a nightmare to be around.
We both suffer with depression, I was abused as a child and have been through CBT and counseling which has helped alot.
But he refuses to get any help. His outlet seems to be constantly picked at me and we've been fighting non stop for months now. Sex stopped months ago and apart from watching TV in the evenings zombified. We don't spend much time together.
I feel stupid as I have friends and I know women who have been in very abusive relationships and part of me thinks I should sit it out and wait until my son is 3 so we can get the free childcare hours before I make a move.
Financially he earns 2.5times more than me. I know he wouldn't let me stay in the house so I'd have to move out.
So I'd have to rent or buy somewhere myself. I work part time in the NHS and have just applied for another role so I can have full time hours with 2jobs. But I'll still earn 22k before tax etc.
Barratts are giving NHS workers 5% deposit towards a new house so I'm wondering whether to plan to buy one of those. You can do help to buy on top, I've checked the t&C's so I'd get quite a bit towards the deposit. I want to try and be financially stable, my single mum friend said I would get a ton of help from the government but I feel bad about taking any.
Alot of my family cut me off through various things over the years so I only really have friends for support. He has his parents to help but no friends.
I just don't think I can mentally take anymore. I spent my whole childhood in situations where people were constantly angry with me and it's given me low self esteem and confidence. I don't want to spend any more of my life flinching everytime he walks by.
But I feel incredibly selfish because we have a child and he won't have the family dynamic I always wanted for him.