Pregnant and stuck

[Lovedn]

Hi, I haven’t posted on here before but I’m at a point where I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been in an ‘on and off’ relationship for the last two years which I ended this February as I found out that my partner was chatting to women on dating sites. On the 1st March I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant with his child... we decided to give it another go, he vowed he’d take care of me blah, blah. Things were pretty good for the first couple of months but the last few weeks of isolation have been a nightmare. We have had countless arguments (often relating back to the messages I found in February) and his reaction is always so cold and heartless. In arguments he makes me feel like he couldn’t care less about me and that I am easily replaceable. I don’t feel secure or wanted but I am carrying his baby. I’d love for us to have a stable, happy home to bring the baby into but I feel like it’s impossible. I have tried talking with him calmly, I’ve tried to let things go, I’ve spoken to his mum who has also spoken to him. I’m sort of out of options. It’s like he’s accepted that we won’t stay together and just won’t be a family :(

Sounds like you’re gonna need to plan on being a single parent. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

It's better to call it a day and accept it's not going to be a relationship now, and concentrate on your baby and co-parenting amicably.

Don't try to cling on to the guy, he doesn't sound nice. He's not faithful and he's not kind. You can't have the happy family thing with someone like that. Let him go.

It might be best to concentrate on the practical issues of planning how to cope as a lone parent. What is your living arrangements, is it affordable and suitable, do you have other people that you can learn on for a bit of support. How much maternity leave can you afford to take, is your job going to work in terms of child care, travel and will they be flexible in any way.....

Can I ask, who starts the arguments?

This is a big part of the problem, we’re living together... I do have a good support system though, my family are amazing so I could move back in with them temporarily if needed. Financially I’d be okay. I would be able to move out of my family home hopefully within a year/18 months.

He would say that arguments are started by me but I feel that I just can’t communicate with him. His response is never proportionate. I’ve tried to talk things through countless times but he always raises his voice, ignores me or storms off. I’m by no means innocent in an argument, I don’t allow myself to be a push over, but I feel like he takes things to a whole new level. I’m trying to stay calm in my pregnancy because my mum had pre-eclampsia so I’m at risk of that but I don’t feel as though he considers/respects that.

Move back with your family. Bad as you're feeling now, you will be 100 times more vulnerable with a new born.

He is telling you who he is. Believe him.

You did the right thing splitting when you found he was unfaithful. Having a baby doesn't change that.

Go to your family, get yourself sorted and aim for amicable co-parenting. Being with someone who treats you like this will make having a newborn absolute hell.

Its good that you have a plan B. I'm glad that in any event you've got some security.

Have you always argued? has he always pushed every calm discussion towards an argument with his over reactions? People often do this to deflect and obscufate when they are clearly in the wrong. Or might it be that this man is an abusive twat that wants to silence your voice because he doesn't believe your concerns are valid, or more importantly your concerns shouldn't be valid because it's a hindrance and is inconvenient to him?

This is who is he is. Communication is SO important in any relationship, and of he can't do that, you're setting yourself up for s lifetime of misery.

Be prepared to be a single parent and be prepared for communication problems within that.