32 & single... hope for children?

[Focus88]

Exactly what if says in the title!

Why do I feel like I won't meet the 'one' and have children?

Do I need to panic about age?

How old were you?

I think I would come at this from a slightly different angle to most PP, who seem to be aiming to make you feel better, and of course the ones chiming in are the ones who did manage to have kids late rather than the ones for whom the ship had sailed.

At 32 it’s certainly doable but I really wouldn’t rest on your laurels. Fertility declines somewhat and you don’t have any idea whether you’ll have difficulties and then have less time to work through them at an advancing age. Plus you need to find someone, date an appropriate length of time etc. before trying. A perfectly healthy couple having timed sex can take up to a year to conceive. Then there’s the higher chance of MC with age, complications and so forth.

So at 32 while it’s obviously possible I wouldn’t let the encouraging posts take your fire to achieve this away from you. Once the lockdown has passed you need to be dating with intent. Date lots of guys, let friends know you’re looking, and be crystal clear that if you happen to meet the right guy you’re looking to TTC in a year or two. I wouldn’t give it much more than that at 32. And certainly don’t get into any kind of commitment with a guy unless you’re in agreement about where it’s going re having children if things go well.

I was in your position at 28 but knew I had endometriosis. I dated and explained to DH on the first date I was planning on a baby in approx three years time either with the right guy or single. It aligned with his goals so we dated at a normal pace but always knowing where we were headed. Had our first at 31. These are crucial years of your fertility and if you chill out too much and don’t take control you risk ending up without children you clearly want.

All I’m saying I guess, is put as much energy and effort now into finding a guy who will be an excellent father as well as partner and make your wishes clear and walk away quickly if they’re incompatible with him. You can do this but you can’t afford to hang or mess around.

I think it's hard at the moment as meeting people isn't what we can do but I will share my story as I do wanted to have children:

Left my alcoholic husband when I was 36. Met someone 6 months later - my marriage was dead for years and was mentally ready.

We moved in together at 37 and I was pregnant at 38!

So there is still some time

I agree with AmeliaTaylor. The problem you've got is for plenty of people it can work out just fine in your mid to late thirties, early forties, as you can see by some of the responses. I also had plenty of people say 'you'll meet someone, you've plenty of time!'. Well meaning but ultimately doesn't help. Nobody on here can guarantee you will meet someone and/or you will have no problems conceiving. So I think at 32 you should at least start thinking about what you want to happen if you don't happen to meet someone e.g. is being a solo mother better for you than not being a mother at all? Is having a partner but risking no kids better than having children alone? These questions are ones only you can answer as many of us would answer these differently for ourselves.

If solo motherhood is an option then maybe start looking into fertility tests and treatment options. This will give you some idea if you need to make a decision about having children now or can wait a couple more years.

Personally I got to 34 and realised even if I met someone, I wasn't prepared to wait 2 or so years to see if the relationship was strong enough for children. It wasn't worth risking my fertility any longer.

Blossom513

I think people see ‘32’ and think ‘that’s fine! I had mine at 34!’ or whatever.

It’s like that scene in friends though with Rachel on her birthday. Counting backwards. Saying she wants to be done with kids by a certain age, needs a year or two between pregnancies, wants to be married a year first plus time to conceive and go through pregnancy (which is already the better part of a year without accounting for losses), time to plan a wedding, get engaged, date for a while first, so she needs to be meeting the guy... last year. Or something. Okay it’s exaggerated, you don’t HAVE to go at that pace or marry first. But being single at 32 wanting kids is different to trying at 32. I started feeling the heat at 28.

As a woman you just don’t have all the time in the world. Platitudes are nice but they’re not always based in realism.