Does your DH/DP talk about what happened after an argument?

[BrandyandBabycham]

DH will apologise if he’s handled things badly or upset me but sometimes I really feel the need to discuss what happened but he just doesn’t! I’m left feeling wound up & resentful. He will say that I want to discuss it “ to my satisfaction “ but I disagree. What do you guys do? Is it better to have the argument then move on or is it helpful to “ post mortem” it so that things can maybe go differently next time?

Yes, we always chat through although he won’t say sorry if he doesn’t think he’s in the wrong.

Op read about gaslighting, projection and crazy making. He's doing all of them.

I am not a post-argument discusser- to me it always feels like an attempt to restart the argument or try to make me bow to their thinking. If someone has something to say, they need to say it, not spend hours after the event trying to justify what they think/said/feel in a certain way. I wouldn't see this as abusive or gas lighting. There are few things more tedious than going round in circles with someone whinging on about, "But can't you see that I was just..."

Yeah stop being so tedious OP. Just ignore how he makes you feel.

Why should he care about how you're feeling. Just because you're supposedly in a loving relationship with him doesn't mean that he has to care about your feelings. You can't expect him to be moved to listen to you because you're upset. I mean it's a lot to expect from someone, to just listen to you.

Have you thought about getting a dog or a new hobby then you might not care so much about the lack of authentic connection and intimacy?

speakball why do you think he’s projecting?

Short answer, yes if need be, sometimes not needed the argument is enough to for everyone to air their views.

On reflection & going back to the communication thing, I think the problem is more at the beginning of rows rather than afterwards. DH is quite similar to DD, in that he will suddenly come out with something or be a particular way with little or no warning so that I get quite thrown & maybe that’s why I have such a need to go over it all after we’ve had words. DD can be like Jekyll & Hyde! And possibly DH thinks I know what’s going on for him when I don’t. Speak up man! Tell me straight what your problem is!

You know what, I've got the wrong thread! Sorry! 😊

Who gets to decide when the situation has been discussed enough then, and the argument can stop?

titiana usually DH, although sometimes I must admit it can be a good thing as otherwise I would tend to go on & on! At other times though it’s frustrating because I feel I can’t express all that I want to.