Do we split up??

[Milliemoosey]

I need your advice. I have been with my husband 7 years, we have been married for a year. Sadly I don’t feel as if I love him like I should anymore. We have 2 young children, have a house together, live a very good, comfortable life, and our kids are happy and well looked after. I can’t help how I feel, I’ve felt unsure about our relationship for around 2 years now. I’m starting to regret marrying him. I have tried speaking to him but he just buried his head in the sand and pretends everything is fine. Also I suffer with severe depression & anxiety which I have medication for and am currently receiving therapy for. He just assumes it’s my illness that makes me feel this way. I try talking to friends and family members but they say the same that it’s my illness. I just don’t think it is. I’m so unhappy and have been for a long time but is this my illness or my actual head. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t want to break up our family and my children’s happiness and secureness comes first so should I stay and carry on pretending to them everything is fine or do I leave and potentially ruin their lives?

Well, let's break it down a bit.
How long have you been depressed and anxious? Were you seeing each other before that started?

If so, how were you together before?
Has his behaviour changed? Has the impact of his behaviour changed (something that you might not notice otherwise can become a big deal when you have two kids to look after).

Do you find other men attractive - see some other chap, see the way he talks and behaves, and wish your H was more like him?

The way you phrase things does suggest a bit that it may be your illness colouring your point of view - that you would feel the same no matter who you were married to - and that's why all the questions above... to try and shed a bit of light on that.

If you're hesitant about answering them on here it still may help to have a think about them privately.

It's probably him. I was really depressed when I was with my ex. I kicked him out at the beginning of March and I feel great, no regrets.

I’m so unhappy and have been for a long time but is this my illness or my actual head. I just don’t know anymore.

Have you discussed your feelings about your marriage with your therapist?

I have a feeling that if you got out of your unhappy relationship, the depression etc would lift.

I spent many years married. I had depression on and off and always put it down to other reasons why. Deep down I knew I didn't really love ex, not a romantic, passionate love. I ignored it whilst becoming more and more unhappy.

In the end we split as I could see what it was doing to me. I am happy now and like a different person.