How to get over someone you still have to see because of the children?

[alicejacob517]

jacob517

I wish I could just cut contact completely but because of our young children, obviously I can't. Every time I receive a text from him or have to see him I'm right back at square one. He is having a baby with someone else now and the pain is almost too much. Advice please, I so want to move on with my life and be happy. :(

Hi OP, I didn’t want to read and run.

I know how you feel, I’m also going through a similar thing. It’s easy to say that time is a healer and all the other things. I’m not sure how to help, or give any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.

How long have you been separated? How old are the DC?

Counselling. You need to fix yourself with self esteem, hobbies and your own life without him

I really feel for you OP, sounds awful.

My tips would be

Make sure that you have set times for when he sees them so that there is no need to be talking about arrangements.

Make sure that he does see them regularly so that you can spend time looking after yourself and after lockdown, spending time with people who make you feel good.

What about having a book that can be used in similar circumstances so that he can write anything relevant about what has happened whilst the kids are with him. And you can write any questions in it. This would save time having to talk to him in person.

Keep him on the doorstep and make all handovers very quick.

Depending on whether he is nice or not, let him know that you need this transition period to look after yourself, hopefully in time you can be more friendly.

Make it a priority to look after yourself! If you are strong, you can be strong for your kids too.

Perhaps get someone else to act as your go between, your personal assistant on managing the child arrangements for a little while.

In lockdown, push the children out the door to him when he arrives to collect them. Never ever stand and chat.

Set contact to be by email only. Read and reply to the emails once a week, maybe twice.

With a proper routine there should be no need to be messaging back and forth anyway.

How do you organise things now?

Thanks everyone, some really good advice. I have blocked him on social media today, along with all his family. I like the email idea, I don't have anyone nearby to do handover unfortunately, but I am definitely going to do it as quickly as possible from now on

Hugs for you...heartbreak is horrific I can really relate although i havent seen my cheating ex in 5 months but unfortunately i will have to see him.as I'm pregnant with his baby and i have no idea if hes with the girl he was texting behind my back.

But what I'm finding great are the podcasts with the breakup coach dorothy I find myself relating to alot she says although she was able to have a clean break from her ex. I cant wait for the day that I feel I difference towards him!