Is this normal or am I losing it?

[LanternLighter]

Ex dh cheated on me with a much younger woman after 20 years of marriage. This was about 2 years ago and I feel like I’m finally ok with what happened and the thought of them together doesn’t bother me any more.

What bothers me now is the thought of my new dp and his ex.
They broke up 4 years ago, they have no contact and I know he doesn’t have feelings for her any more.

But I find myself comparing myself to her, trying to prove I’m better, prettier etc. Also just found out she was 13 years younger than dp which doesn’t help.
Do you think I’m just really insecure and if I am what can I do about it? Need some advice please, this is doing my head in!

I dont think you're insecure. I think you're in self preservation mode.

Do not take insecurities out on him. Do you feel ready to be in a relationship?

@Ohnoherewego62

I dont think you're insecure. I think you're in self preservation mode.

Do not take insecurities out on him. Do you feel ready to be in a relationship?

Self preservation? Hadn’t thought of that but I think maybe you’re right.

I do feel totally ready for this relationship and I don’t think I take it out on him but I am worried about my issues ruining things for us.

He doesn't want to be with her. He does want to be with you. If 'being with him' was a competition (which is what you're making it into), you've already won. Congratulations.

There may be many amazing things about her, but there are also many amazing things about you, that she could never compete with. You are one of a kind, and he chose you.

Is he supportive when you tell him you're feeling insecure?

@Eckhart I haven’t told him how I feel about this. He has been really supportive when I’ve been having a hard time with ex so I don’t want to put another issue into things

@Eckhart and thank you for your kind words...nearly made me cry!

Perhaps you could tell him you're feeling a little insecure, but without detailing why? Then it doesn't make 'the ex' an issue, but you still get to share your feelings, and he still gets the opportunity to reassure you.

I think, in his shoes, I'd rather you said something, rather than suffer in silence. Would you like him to tell you if he was feeling insecure? Or keep it to himself?

It sounds like you might just need a good kiss and a cuddle and for him to tell you you're his very favourite.

I don't think I would tell him about your feelings because he has given you no cause to doubt him. If he had it would be different. Why you feel this way is because you were cheated on by your ex. He is the one at fault. Just say to yourself. I have now moved on. Ex was a cheat but I'm not going to let him spoil anything for me.

It's hard to trust again but relationships depend on it. It's difficult to put into practice but essential

@Eckhart @viviennemary thank you both for your help.
I think you’re right, it is my ex’s fault and I shouldn’t let him mess anymore of my life up