Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

[DelilahDuck]

So, things are kind of progressing with man I met through OLD. It seems he likes me, I like him.

Thing is, he's still close friends with his ex, they have DC together. She's all over his social media and seems the competitive type. Still not certain why they split.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. What problems can you possibly foretell arising from this?

Feeling a bit meh today.

Just to add, I have DC too.

How long ago did they split up?

A few years. She has a DP.

If his ex is still friends with him it could be an indication that he's not a total arsehole.

I'd always beware this special friends with ex.

@AnnaSW1 Yes. This has very much been my thinking thus far. He's not arsehole, so far he's been lovely.

@Viviennemary I'm wary, I do have some concerns surrounding this. But then I think, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt??

Yes you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I always think best pals with ex is a red flag. But I suppose it must work for some people.

it's a NO from me OP..

@BumbleBeee69 a no as in, no I'm not setting myself up for disappointment?

@Viviennemary a red flag in which sense/context?

They've got to be in alot of contact for their DC some people do remain friendly just for that reason, I think actually it might be a good sign that he's a good man. I think as long as there is no flirty messages that you can see on SM then it's probably all ok but it's really down to you and what you comfortable with.

Ugh. My ex was best friends with his very special and important recent ex. It was a complete piss take. They didn't have the excuse of shared kids tho. He kept a lot of their contact secret from me once I'd expressed discomfort regarding huge lies.
I've got a feeling they'll be back together now they're both single. Pair of cunts
Being in contact for the kids is a different story but if I ever get involved with anyone again, best friends with an ex would be a huge red flag.

@Crystalspider Yes, a good sign that he's a nice guy. There are no flirty signs that I can see, just a lot of contact out of SM re DC - which I don't begrudge, especially being a parent myself. She adds lots of witty comments and is very intense, it seems. Also, she is in a happy committed relationship.

The reasons they did not work out I'm sure are complex and varied. I've made an educated guess on those already.

@famousforwrongreason yeah, hard to fully judge the degree of their closeness/affection for one another when they share DC.

I really like it when boyfriends are still good friends with exes. I'd much rather they were positive about someone they spent time with than nasty about them. A red flag for me would be if they said their ex was crazy/unhinged etc and I wouldn't trust them for spending a chunk of their life on someone that was apparently horrible (because they're probably not crazy or unhinged at all)

Its good they are friends if they have DC. I'm sure if she now has a new partner then its all very innocent. I have a friend who is good friends with her ex husband and his new wife. I think she even went on holiday with them (and her kids with him). This might be a bit odd but I can confirm there was absolutely nothing going on at all.
Why don't you ask him why they broke up?

@anotherdisaster I'll ask further down the line.

@MaliceOrgan Precisely, making out your exW is crazy/unhinged is usually a massive red flag.

Sometimes people are real adults and remain on good terms with their ex even if it's mainly for the sake of the children. All this nonsense about remaining friends being a red flag is just that.

Hi OP.. I wouldn't continue with this .. is what I meant... sorry

How can you tell she’s the competitive type?

If they coparent then this is good, she’s with someone else. They’ve been split years.

Are you feeling a little jealous and insecure?

I don't think at this stage it warrants splitting up. Why don't you give it a while longer? From what you've said it seems too soon to jump to any conclusions. If it turns out they are irritatingly friendly, or it's still bothering you, then yes call it a day.

I think there's a difference between an ex and an ex he has kids with. There will obviously be contact because if the kids, you need to decide if you can accept that. Can you explain her "competitive" behaviour more?

I prefer a man with an amicable relationship with his ex. If she's in a stable relationship too then I wouldn't worry at all. Embrace it. Far less drama

Don't become the drama!

My DP has a great relationship with his ex wife and they have 3 kids
For appearances I have a good relationship with my ex, but we have a child and when he's older, I will be able to seperate myself more.
We have all made a big effort for the sake of the kids. Doesn't mean there's any feelings on any side. Just means they love the kids more than they hate each other