Dating with one word replies and dead end replies is killing me!

[katiie3]

Hey guys, I’m becoming extremely frustrated by the one word dead end replies when you are dating.

It really begins to kill the spark and interest! I just don’t feel myself gravitating to such a person and I certainly refuse to carry the conversation with a man who can’t.

What is one supposed to do?! Just slowly fade out until neither of you speak anymore.

(We has a conversation about this and he said he will make more of an effort but it’s still the same)

Not everyone likes texting when there's nothing new to say 🤷‍♀️

I remember in my twenties coming back from a first date exhausted as I’d felt like the flipping entertainment all evening while he just sat there. I obviously thought the evening was a disaster but he told our mutual friend he had a marvellous time and wanted to take it further. I bet he bloody did! No chance mate.

@Incrediblytired yes, for sure. I love banter, it is fun and a big part of my personality. I banter at work, with my friends, with romantic interests.

And it’s coming to the point where a lot of men only banter if there is “sex talk” which is a huge turn off.

In his defence I'm struggling to even message my friends and husband back due to lockdown lethargy so I know i couldn't be arsed thinking up flirty or interesting banter with someone I hardly know. Have you met him yet?

Hey OP - I have just written on another thread about my attempts at OLD and am stunned at the replies I am getting. The answers are minimum effort, no friendly or warm tone, factual and formal. I don't know why they bothered! I don't get it - are these people just bad at conversing?

If he’s only replying ‘fine’ then he’s not interested.

Just stop messaging. It’s pointless.

Just move on, find somebody better.

This is going back years but I used to "text" this guy as there was initially a bit of mutual interest. He would write a text message all about himself, asking no questions, and then at the end would write "wb" ("write back" - told you it was a long time ago )

I would be a bit taken aback at the command and wouldn't know what to say. "That's great" ? He never asked any questions, just spiels about himself with the instruction that I was reply.

I quickly realised I couldn't be bothered. Especially not at 10p per message 😂

Im finding this with 99% of guys online and its so frustrating! The odd one will message interesting texts but the vast majority are like "yeah". I cant work out if theyre like this with all the women they speak to or if its a polite fuck off to me?

I had this with sooo many men when I was OLD. I basically never started conversations on tinder so I would wonder "why the hell did you even message me if you can't be bothered to chat?!" I just started unmatching people who gave dry one word replies.

But I was talking to my boyfriend about this the other day and he said when he was OLD he found the same with women. Seems people are just really poor communicators these days. Or maybe it's people who are just on the apps for something to do to pass the time so they're not fussed about actually getting to know anyone. Who knows, but don't waste your time with people like this.

@MsTSwift I’m screaming yes at that, not just me then! That has happened to me so many times, I’ve felt like the entertainment when I’ve been dating to trying to get to know a guy.

Men are strange creatures with thoughts different to our own. Maybe ask a more interesting question op. 'Hey, how's you day?' is like asking someone 'how are you?' in the street - you don't really want to know. Perhaps ask 'what was the best part/highlight of today?' Or 'How many biscuits have you scoffed?' (or whatever he likes). Make it a bit more fun your end. If it's still flat - move on. 🙄

But onemansoapopera, it's not really about trying to be effervescent - op asked how he was, he just replied fine. That was an opportunity for him to ask how she was in return - that's just basic conversation, but he couldn't be arsed.

As per pps, he's interested in terms of future shag, but not interested in terms of getting to know you, op.

If it's all one way and you have nothing to bounce off, it's hard to "make it fun". He should be making an effort too. I couldn't be arsed chasing some bloke trying to spark conversation if he's just coming back with one word answers.

Defo don’t bother with them. You’re not suited (as you like and expect more communication, understandably) and they’re clearly not that interested. Move on and don’t waste your time.

Men are strange creatures with thoughts different to our own.

I'm a guy and, to be fair, I had similar with 99% women I talked to when I did online dating earlier this year. Sometimes I could get longer answers by asking open-ended questions, however I'd never get any questions in return so the conversation became horribly one-sided.

I just took it as a sign the person wasn't that into me and/or was juggling lots of other conversations with other people. Same result - just let it wither and held out for someone who could reciprocate with something a bit more substantial.

If he's not replying, he's not very interested.
Essentially, in his eyes you are not worth making the creative effort of leading a conversation for, but he's not going to voluntarily put himself out of the running for sex. It's also just a bit of an ego boost to be that desireable that someone is putting disproportionate effort into maintaining contact with you.
A lot of men complain about the same thing and it's generally happening for similar reasons.
Just cut your losses in these situations. We're social creatures. The vast majority of us understand how socialising works, even if we don't like it much.
They know how to encourage conversation and would be doing it if if they want to.

I had been speaking to someone and he too is a fan of one word replies. I have been known to message with a 'How is your day going', or 'how are you today' just to get some conversation going. Answers to this were usually, 'excellent' or 'fantastic' etc. Then I though okay well let me ask what's so fantastic. Reply -'having a good day'. Sigh. Needless to say I don't message anymore. It is like pulling bloody teeth. And the thing is that I have met the guy in person and he never bloody shut up the whole night. Very odd.

But the one that is annoying me the most right now is an ex that I have stayed in contact with (have been friends forever and it will stay that way). To prompt a conversation, he wont say Hi or similar. He just sends links to some article or a meme and thats it. So then its for me to start the conversation. I have started ignoring these as well. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Don't just bloody send some link or picture which means I need to strike up a conversation. If I wanted to talk to him, I would message, actual words. Urgh I think I am just grumpy these days.

Part of the trouble I think is the asking of "How is your day going?/ How are you?"

In a way it's lazy - you are asking them to regale you with interesting tales whilst only giving five words yourself!

Also, it's a boring question. So whilst it may well lead onto other stuff, it's quite a boring message to receive and easy to ignore. IMHO

They are just not that interested in you day to day. I have been doing this too, the way I chat to my friends is definitely different to new guys.
Until I have a real connection, I'm not really interested- that sounds mean but it's true.

In person I'm good but random chit chat is just not exciting.

This is all a bit depressing as my husband does this to me 😞 but he even sits on the sofa with me of an evening and Ignores me ffs.
With work mates he’s mr chatterbox

Not all men are like this.

The ones who are know they are doing it, I feel that it's a power thing to see how long you'll put up with it.

Move on.

It shouldn't have to be hard work like that.
It should be easy.
If he's making this little effort at the beginning, what on earth would he be like in 5 years?
Ditch him.

@Chamomileteaplease

Part of the trouble I think is the asking of "How is your day going?/ How are you?"

In a way it's lazy - you are asking them to regale you with interesting tales whilst only giving five words yourself!

Also, it's a boring question. So whilst it may well lead onto other stuff, it's quite a boring message to receive and easy to ignore. IMHO

Yes I was guilty of the boring opening line in those two examples.

But generally whatever I open with seems to result in the same one word type answer.

Great. Lovely. Excellent. Brilliant are the fave replies.

It too much like hard work. My Labrador replies to me in more detail than that.

When a guy is genuinely interested he will make the effort. These guys aren't into you and just keeping you around as a back up.

Yes I've been ghosted too !! Met someone before lockdown had a few dates and he was messaging me every day now nothing !! Bloody annoying.