I think I want to leave. But so much to lose.

[oldlongjohnson]

We've been married for 4 years, together for 7. We have a 2 year old son.

Things have been up and down since baby. Largely it's the imbalance of household chores / different sex drives. We've tried working on both issues, it's not working. I'm not miserable but I feel like I'd like to be a lot happier.

Tricky thing is we live in a house owned by my DH's parents (we pay them rent but all decor etc is our own) it is 4 hours away from my hometown and all my family.

If we were to separate I'd have no idea where I'd go, would I take DS? Logistically I could only take him to my parents house 4 hours away and obviously I couldn't do that right now.

Then I worry about how it would work with sharing custody of our son. Driving him back and forth every week wouldn't seem right. I wouldn't want to stay in this area if I was separated - there would be no reason for me to.

I'd also miss my DH's family a lot - I get on with them more than I do my own family.

Another slightly trivial problem is that I designed and decorated this whole house and 70% of the furniture is mine (paid by me!) So there's that I'd be leaving behind.

I'm torn. A lot is making we want to stay.. but I don't think it's my DH.

Just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar position. What did you do? Any advice v much welcome.

Have you considered couple's therapy? Sometimes third party perspective can help you to understand what is an issue and what may be amplified by being one of the two people in the melting pot of marriage.

Does your dh know you're feeling this way? People have a way of pulling their socks up when it really matters, even if they haven't before.

If you really want to leave, does it have to be to move back with your family that you're not so close with? Why not start afresh somewhere in between?

Something myself and married friends I know have considered is what you might be leaving your child open to in the future. If you split up, you're trusting your ex to make all the right decisions about your child's life when he's with him. My stepmother was horrendous, for example.