Have NC for this.
Dh and I have been married for over 30yrs. I fell head over heels in love with him from the moment we met.
After about 8yrs he stopped smoking, but began to drink. We both enjoyed wine, but his drinking became heavier over the years until he was drinking between 2 and 3 bottles of wine each night. Our relationship has suffered on and off over the years due to his drinking.
In the early days he would apologise for his behaviour and make promises, that I think I believed because I wanted to.
Then roughly 9yrs ago he switched from wine to Vodka. He doesn't drink openly, but hides his bottles, and drinks in secret. He's done this for years.
It's now got to the point where he becomes verbally abusive towards me when drunk. He blames me for his drinking, and puts me at the top of the list of people he'd like to get rid of.
I stay out of his way as much as possible when he drinks to excess, usually 3 to 4 times a week, although he does drink daily. He has managed to hold on to his job, but if he continues along this path who knows?
We have debts that need to be cleared, mostly his but some are mine on credit cards. They will take me a few years to clear, which I am in the process of doing atm.
Until these are paid I can't afford to leave, and he won't. I have no one I can turn to or talk to about this, and am living my life practically in tears most days.
If there is anyone who is, or has been in a similar position it would be good to hear from you.
I'm really sorry this is so long. I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, but it's been good just offloading some of my feelings.