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Original poster

Lazy Men?

30 replies

JuicyLucy86 · 31/05/2020 12:44

Apologies if this offends anyone but I am just interested to know if anyone has a man that actually helps out? I have never known any man that pulls his weight in the house. I have only ever had 2 relationships and both times he has been lazy and expects me to do everything and if I don’t they complain. I have always worked full time as well so my spare time has always just been spent on making my living environment nice to live in. Both my partners would just leave crap all over the house all the time and I feel like I am just constantly running around after them. Is this normal? Am I unreasonable if I give up and just let the house become unkept? Are there any men out there that don’t do this?

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 31/05/2020 13:11

Good guys exist. You have been unlucky. Keep your standards high and demand equality. Don't ever accept strategic incompetence or blindness to mess - its bollocks.

Good on you for calling them out on their bullshit!

tenlittlecygnets · 31/05/2020 13:15

No, not normal! From the posts on here, lots of men are like this, but that we have to accept it.

It is possible to find a man who is an adult and can pull his weight with parenting and housework.

SueEllenMishke · 31/05/2020 13:20

My DH doesn't 'help out' he contributes equally....well most of the time. Currently he's completely snowed under with work so I'm having to do more. He's so unbelievably grateful and feels really bad.
Under normal circumstances he pulls his weight - DS is his child too as is the house so he needs to do his share.

Good on you for not putting up with it.

BadgersAreReal · 31/05/2020 13:21

Yes, of course there are men who don't do that. What a ridiculous question.

Dreamingofaholidayyy · 31/05/2020 13:21

This happens all the time in my house it usually gets better for a few days if I turn into full on rage mode and start stomping around the house throwing his things in piles and saying they’ll go in the bin if there not put away in 5 minutes. Other than that I think hes generally blind to see the trail of items he leaves behind him. If I’ve tidied up in the morning been to work and he’s home before me or nipped home in the day I can tell exactly which rooms he’s been in by his slug trail of shit he leaves behind (wrappers, keys, cupboards open, empty cups etc).
Other than that he’s generally an amazing man he’s just messy but sometimes I don’t think he realises or he thinks the magical cleaning fairies come out to tidy??

Original poster
JuicyLucy86 · 31/05/2020 13:33

Thanks everyone. Iv decided to not lift a finger around the house for a few days to see how he likes it. It’s a complete mess already but I’m going to just ignore it. I work many more hours than him and contribute equally financially. If I mention it he says I washed up last week because you left it (wow, well done), or comments that his friends wives do more than me. He doesn’t see my point of view so I’ll let the house get filthy!

OP posts:
Maestro7 · 31/05/2020 13:47

Maybe instead of letting the house get filthy you should higher your standards and ditch your lazy complaining partner. My DH doesn’t ‘help’ around the house. He lives in the house and does his share as a result. He does the cooking, I clean up and load dishwasher. I put on a wash he hangs it out and takes it in I put it away. He does the bins, gets up early with the dog, mows the lawn and I dust and hoover (although our robot hoover does most of it) and clean the bathroom. If you put up with a partner who is lazy you will likely continue to end up with those kind of men.

Bananalanacake · 31/05/2020 14:13

If you work more hours than him then he should be doing his share, I'm a SAHM so I'm happy to do most of the housework. Do you have DC?

SueEllenMishke · 31/05/2020 14:25

Clearly it's not just laziness...with his 'other wives' comments he's just outed himself as a misogynist too.
Lovely

Original poster
JuicyLucy86 · 31/05/2020 14:26

No I don’t have kids but he does and he expects me to run around after them also. They have no discipline or manners. He doesn’t make them tidy toys or anything away and they don’t seem to know where the bin is either.

OP posts:
Whaleoilbeefhookedagain · 31/05/2020 14:29

Well 12 men have gone to the moon, no women have.........suppose it does not need cleaning yet

RandomMess · 31/05/2020 14:31

None of my partners haven't done their fair share, I wouldn't tolerate them not doing their share it would be a deal breaker.

Immigrantsong · 31/05/2020 14:34

Please start valuing yourself more and stay away from any man that doesn't pull his weight. I am getting more and more convinced that so women expect so little and put up with so much and then go on to have children with losers or raising existing children they may have. He has already shown you he is lazy. People don't change. Ask yourself why you keep going after men like that. There are great men out there.

reginafelangee · 31/05/2020 14:40

My husband has always been an equal partner. We both work, we both parent and we both share the house work.

My father was the same.

As far as I can see my brother in laws are like this too and most of my friends partners.

I wouldn't accept anything less.

Pinkblueberry · 31/05/2020 14:43

No, it’s not the norm. I always find it ironic that some women have high standards when it comes to cleaning but such low standards when it comes to choosing partners. You wouldn’t put up with a messy house, you make the effort to keep it tidy. So don’t put up with a messy partner - only accept one who isn’t lazy and messy. Of course they exist.

KatherineJaneway · 31/05/2020 14:46

So he's lazy and a shit father. Any good points OP?

LannieDuck · 31/05/2020 18:11

Find someone better OP.

He doesn't even pretend to himself that he does half. He just expects you to do all the chores and all the childcare (for kids that aren't yours!). Why do you accept someone treating you like that?

RamblingRose1 · 31/05/2020 18:15

Whaleoilbeefhookedagain
Seen a few posts of yours lately and have concluded you are a pillock.

pointythings · 31/05/2020 18:29

My late H was great, absolutely did his share - he was brought up that way. It all went to hell in a handcart when he dove into the bottle after his mum died, but until that point he was brilliant.

Bananalanacake · 31/05/2020 18:37

Ever thought of moving out and letting him live in his own mess and look after his own kids, you can still see him, without the kids, if you want. It would be much better for you.

Fairycake2 · 31/05/2020 21:05

I seem to have found 2 lazy arseholes too! DP 1 pretty much refused to do anything other than ironing. DP 2 was much better initially and would do his fair share but definitely got lazy and would only do things when asked. I got so sick of having to ask all the time and we rowed about housework a lot. Both are now ex's and I definitely wont tolerate anything other than equality from now on

longtimecomin · 31/05/2020 22:08

Yes I had one that had OCD and did all the cleaning and ironing. The first couple of years I thought it was great, but then after years of him nagging me and my daughter if we put anything in the wrong place, I got sick of him and dumped him. I'm happier doing it all in my own.

Nanny0gg · 01/06/2020 00:11

I've been married 40+ years and my DH has always pulled his weight depending on how much he was at home. Always been domesticated and very good at DIY. I've organised because I think of stuff he doesn't but otherwise it's been fine.

There is no excuse for men not to pull their weight and if they don't then I'd be on strike in a heartbeat.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 01/06/2020 00:16

He sounds like a misogynist wazzock OP. No, not all men are like that.

Whaleoilbeefhookedagain · 01/06/2020 11:58

@RamblingRose1

Whaleoilbeefhookedagain Seen a few posts of yours lately and have concluded you are a pillock.
Probably true bit nasty but hey if it makes you feel good