Feeling very low - no-one to tell.

[feelingverylow]

I am a regular poster here but changed my name for obvious reasons.
I have been in love with someone for many years and he has been in love with me. For lots of reasons - to do with our circumstances, families, children - we have never had a relationship but we have always remained good friends. We do notdiscuss our feelings.
This person told me he no longer is in love with me although he still loves me as a friend.
I know I should feel relieved and happy for him, because this whole situation has been incredibly painful. But I dont. I feel absolutely appalling low. My feelings have not changed. I feel terribly lonely and I have no-one to tell.
Sorry, I knowcompared to some problems this is not really deserving of sympathy but I honestly dont know how I am going to get thtough the day.

Sorry you are feeling rejected. At least you've got the friendship. Try to focus on your own family - or anything which takes your mind off him for a while.

Thank you, you are right of course.

Or you could tell yourself that he's probably lying to make things seem more clear-cut, and is really still mad about you.

not knowing much about it i would only be able to say that it is probably all for the best and although you are sad at the wasted possibilities, it may give you space to work on your own relationship or find a new one? good luck x

Oh yes I like that explanation much better .
He is trying to move on I think and i dont blame him. Can you think yourself out of love?

I currently have a relationship, which has obviously been under strain. He does not have a relationship, though I am pretty sure he would like one.

Did his relationship break up over you?

Sounds to me that it is a situation he has decided he needs to move forward from and perhaps he hopes that the act of actually telling you will make it possible. Sort of closure otherwise why the need to say anything?

Suspect he cares for you deeply and you will always have a friendship that is untainted by the realities of a relationship.

I don't think you can talk yourself out of love completely but sometimes in the interests of self presevation you have to.

It is deserving of sympathy. Everyone's pain is, no matter what the situation. This is what is making life sad and awful for you right now so you deserve just as much support as the next person.

I was in love with my ex-fiance for years and years after he decided he didn't want to marry me - it was unrequited love in the extreme and every day was blighted by these feelings. I married and had 2 children while still in love with him . Unsurprisingly I divorced and it took a new relaionship where I really was in love again in order for me to be 'cured'of these feelings.

Are you in love with your current partner/dh? If not I think this is the issue you have to address and the unrequited love will sort itself.

I don't believe that there is only one soul mate for each of us.

Love

No, he wasn't in a relationship when we met and he hasn't broken up a relationship over me, thank god. He told me because I asked because he is making some changes in his life and I have observed he is feeling ready to start a new relationship.

Thank you all for your kind words. You are all very compassionate.
Yes, I am in love with my dp. I just feel drained by the whole experience and wonder whether I have the strength to keep experiencing what seems like a shocking loss, over and over. Not t.o mention the guilt.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I still love my dh and we have a very happy marriage BUT I am also in love with someone else.

This other man has feelings for me (I don't know if its love or not), but we have never acknowledged or talked about it. He is also married.

We avoid seeing each other as much as possible because its just too painful (we only see each about once a year or so).

I told my dh a couple of years ago. This other man is an old friend of both of us. My dh was very understanding and believe it or not, has helped me through it. I know it sounds strange but my dh was the only person I could turn to. I had to talk to someone ..... and he is also my best friend.

Try to take a step back and re-focus your life on something else as someone suggested. This definately helps me. If I thought about him all the time, it would drive me crazy. Its a burden to carry but it does get easier with time.

Thanks dumped. I don't think it is weird at all. My dp has been very supportive, we have never discussed things openly but he has an understanding.
Life and love is very complicated, and painful.

Although its great you are still friends, perhaps you should not see him for a while as I think its very hard to get over someone if you are still friends with them. This will also give you time to work on your present relationship if that's what you want.

Yes, I know I compound the problem by still seeing him, but it would be very hard not to. It would mean making big changes to my work and social life.

Sometimes being in love with someone you haven't had a relationship with means everything seems rosy, perfect and romantic. Even if you know someone really well, you don't always know how they will be in a relationship or how that would work. It could be that if you did get together, you wouldn't be as well suited as you thought and it would only last a few months. I had a really good male friend who, ok, I wasn't in love with him, but I did have a soft spot for. Turns out he was a total commitmentphobe. One of his exes said he had never told her he loved her and they were together a year. Similar stories with a couple of other girlfriends. Know this isn't overly helpful in your situation, but just saying really that things aren't always as they seem/how you imagine them to be.
Is it also a major dent to the ego? It certainly would be to me and not saying your other feelings aren't real. Its also the loss of a romantic dream i guess. Its great your dp is so supportive, I can see why you love him as well.

Feelingverylow, I think you are finding it hard because you are seeing him so often. This must be very difficult. Do you work with him ?

If you see him all the time, it must be pure torture. You would have to be a very strong person emotionally to endure this. No wonder you are feeling drained.

My only saving grace is that I don't see this other guy too often. Thats not to say I don't think about him every day or dream about him at night - I do. But if I had to see him as well, I would go out of my mind.

This is what I listen too when I'm feeling low:

The words are very appropriate and it sums up love thats not meant to be

Yes, I see him at least once or twice a week. I have found the last few years immensely difficult and draining at times. Well, all the time . I think it has taken its tollin lots of ways, on both of us.
I wanted to say thank you to you all for you support, it means a great deal to me.