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[RedRoverLockedIn]

I've name changed for this but been on MN for years. Had a row with DH this morning, I put something away that he'd left on the floor for weeks and now he says there are a couple of things missing. Went ballistic when I said I didn't know where they were and they weren't on the floor when I picked everything else up. Called me a liar and slammed a door in temper. Sulky silence followed.

DS is 11, and was on his Xbox before lunch. I shouted up when lunch was ready but DS didn't hear me. DH shouted at him to go downstairs, and in typical 11 year old fashion DS stomped out of his room and DH lost his temper again. DS had got downstairs but DH pulled him off the sofa and pushed him up the stairs and told him to stay in his room. I told DH he was way over the line and he should never have manhandled DS like that. DH hasn't apologised to either of us and is now in the garden while I sit with an upset DS.

I'm so upset, my heart is hammering with the stress and I'm thinking this is a marriage over scenario. My head is all over the place, I can't think of the right thing to say to DH, I want to get the words out right.

Thanks everyone. I am at my sisters house, drove up yesterday. Was so nervous all the way thinking the police were going to stop us, but it was all fine.

DH did apologise to me and especially to DS. He has admitted that his mental health has been going downhill and he’s been avoiding accepting how he feels. He felt dreadful about what he’d done to DS and acknowledged that it was appalling that he’d struggled to apologise initially.

To be honest, I do understand the MH thing, my Mum had some dreadful patches of depression when we were kids and teenagers and did some things which she has always said that she will regret for her whole life. DH has never hit or touched DS in anger before so I know it was out of character.

However, he does need to deal with his anger and temper, and now his deteriorating MH. I told him that I was still going to my sisters, my priority being to protect DS from any further outbursts from DH. DH is seeking help from our GP, and he has already contacted a private councillor to help with his MH and anger.

We’ll keep talking and I’m hoping we can repair our relationship as time goes on. I think we will do that with counselling.

Wow - well done OP.
Decisive action and a bit of peace for you and some love and support.
I do hope the manages to get some help quickly.
Why is his MH deterioating?

My worry is this...
He does have a bad temper and whilst he doesn't blow up all the time he does do it regularly
And....
Basically he doesn't think he has done anything wrong, said I'm the one ignoring HIM and 'frankly, I don't know what your problem is'
But now....
He felt dreadful about what he’d done to DS and acknowledged that it was appalling that he’d struggled to apologise initially.

He didn't even apologise the next day. He made it your problem with YOU ignoring him.
Are you sure about his MH issues?
A lot of abusers throw this one around when they are finally backed into a corner of losing the partner of their abuse!

Well done op. Massive step there. Please make sure you really have some time and space without him contacting you. Tell him you want a week to be left alone. If he has any intentions of turning this around then this will not be a issue and he will respect your wishes with bells on. If not that shows you how little respect and regaurd he has for you.

Really take some time to think, how your life is, how it will be if you go back, and how it COULD be if you don't go back.