Cutting off toxic family members

[PumpkinP]

I’ve always had a really horrible toxic family. My sister use to beat me up all the time when we were younger for example I accidentally spilt glue on her sofa and she attacked me. Or once on holiday a guy threw water on her and she attacked me because I didn’t do anything when he done it (not sure what I was suppose to do?) think she just wanted to lash out at someone. She’s always had anger issues. Anyway we didn’t speak for some time then I had children and we are now in our 30s so I had thought she had grown up. Anyway that was until after a falling yesterday she turned up at my house to beat me up. In front of my children she was banging on my door screaming through the letter box, beeping her car horn. I told her I would be calling the police and she said “go on then I will be waiting for them” anyway after this I obviously will not be speaking to her again ever. Has anyone else had to cut off toxic family?

Well I put in boundaries and they stormed off, cutting me out. Not heard from them for four years. I don't miss them as people but I feel the family gap, iykwim. I'd love to have a decent family. You can't put up with that sort of behaviour. Go very low contact or no contact. Your sister needs help.

op

She definitely needs help, she’s an alcoholic and has a bad temper. She was texting me for days nasty messages but as soon as I responded back to her she was round here within minutes. Maybe I shouldn’t have responded back but I’m sick of her bullying me over the years and wanted to stand up for myself. She seems to have issues with me having 4 children as she always makes sly digs and little comments. That’s where it stemmed from.

Did you actually call the police? I think I would if she was frightening the children. Was she drunk at the time? You said she'd driven there. She sounds completely out of control.

I don’t know if she was drunk but she is an alcoholic so I wouldn’t be surprised, I mean it’s just not a normal way to act, she was telling me to come out and fight and sending loads of messages on my phone including laughing faces saying oh you’re scared are you. I went onto the phone and she saw me by the window and drove off, i can only imagine she thought I wouldn’t call. so I put the phone down as wasn’t sure what to tell them if she wasn’t actually there and no proof. If she does come again I am planning on recording her.

Sounds like a right little sociopath. Or similar. She isnt immature, she is disordered. And ffs she doesnt need help. The people around her need help.

Definately remove her from your life completely. You cant 'fix' her. She is what she is and I doubt even a professional would be of much use if she had always been such an aggressive person.

Not your circus anymore. Protect yourself and your kids. Good luck!

Thank you Bunnymumy she is like it with a lot of people not just me, she threw a laptop at my brother about 6 months ago when he said he didn’t want to speak to her again. She really isn’t right.

You have all the messages she sent you and you can tell the police what happened.

Ask them what they would advise in this situation.

Block her and look at how to get a restraining order - see if you already have enough evidence etc just in case it gets worse.

Keep her away from your DC.

She’s blocked now and yes I’ve saved the messages, I will look at restraining orders (thought you could only get them for partners?) Definitely don’t want her turning up again or harassing me in the street (we live 10 minutes apart) so I will call 101 and see what they say.

Definitely ignore her, it's not your fault. You say it stems from you having 4 children, do you mean she's jealous as she's infertile or doesn't have a partner.

You can get a non molestation as this is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is family or intimate partners. I would contact the NCDV and have a chat about that. You need to protect your family and yourself.

No it’s not that at all, she doesn’t like the fact I have 4 children and has always made that clear through out the years, I’ve tried my best to brush it off as the comments are usually sly digs or little remarks but it’s always been clear she disapproves, I’m a single mum as well which fuels it more for her I think. But the final straw came a few days ago when a mutual close friends brother got sent to prison, me and my sister was talking about it and I said what the hell was he thinking and that he needs to take responsibility, she then snapped back at me “well people might look at you and think, what the hell was she thinking having 4 children!” I was shocked and decided I didn’t want to speak to her after that comment but she kept texting me abuse after.

Thanks 1235kbm I will look into that as I think I will need it! One of my children is only 3 years old and I also have an older one has a disability and she’s here kicking off scaring them.