Recovery journey after domestic abuse!

[Fightingback16]

Does any feel that the recovery process is very circular? I alway assumed that recovery was going to be forward linear but in actual fact I’ve gone round and round. Each time absorbing a little bit at a time. The same questions the same answers but different levels of acceptance.

Does that make any sense?

Oh yes I know what he was doing. It was so poisonous. I did have periods of rage but I can’t at the moment fully handle my emotions without getting stressed. It is reducing tho, I no longer panic when I think about it. A lot of the time I feel utter disbelief when I think about myself with him, listening to him.

It’s funny because I did leave last Feb and finally went no contact in Dec. My thoughts have been entirely him oriented until the last few weeks. I’ve been talking to a lovely guy down the road, just about general rubbish. And I find myself thinking about living with someone else, how nice it would be to be in a calm loving relationship.

Before the future was gone.

Self care is really important. You need to make it up to yourself, all the years you weren't looked after. Lots of TLC, paying attention to your desires, needs, wants... learn to listen to your body and your emotions, and value what your body and emotions tell you. You've not been able to do that for a long time. This is your chance.

I meant to write- this is your time.

You can talk about your dad is you'd like to. I lost my dad not that long ago. My mother tried to steal my grief- she's the only one allowed to grieve.

I try and practice self care. It’s very hard when all my energy really goes on my daughter. She is 4 soon and lockdown has been hard. I feel a bit broken. I’m only 37 and I’ve broken my brain and last year I was diagnosed with M.E. I know this is the effect of the long term stress on my body. I always pushed through it mentally, until the end but it did take it’s toll on me.

I am going through the same thing as you. I don’t know what to add except you are not alone.

I also feel like I am going round in spirals but that is a helpful way to think of it.

I remember some of your previous threads and you are doing so much better than you were before even if you don’t realise it. You are keeping your child safe and trying to get your home back. I am trying to do the same and it does take up all your strength.

I find it hard to move on when I’ve so much pending. I doubt my husband will give up anything without a fight and I’m not really able to put much strength into it but I don’t have a choice. I can let him win and walk away from the house to save myself the stress and the potential it will tip me over but I really don’t want to. He is hoping if he drags it out and causes as much stress as possible I’ll give up. Also I stopped his contact with dd in Dec and it’s causing me so much stress the possibility of another court case. But again I have no choice. If I go to court there will be stress. If I give in and resume contact there will be stress, even more so because my daughters safety is at risk.

I dream of a life without stress.

This is the last leg- you'll see him off and then be able to arrange your life as you see fit!

I have fibromyalgia from stress. It's frustrating, but it's also a wake up call, an opportunity to focus on looking after me. I know you are focusing on your little girl as well.

Oh Jesus I think I had a wake up phone call and the caller was pissed because they left several answer phone msgs that I ignored telling me to runnnnnnnn!

I think the caller was the gingerbread man!

Thank you for posting. I have also spiralled back in lockdown. I really relate to the 'he broke my brain' post. I was trying to post about it the other day but couldn't find the words. As time goes on it feels less easy to talk about. Externally things seem better ( no longer having to deal with whatever the most recent 'incident' ) but the impact is circular and it helps to know I'm not the only one.

I think broke my brain is a good phrase, bit like he broke my arm or my leg. It really gets on my nerves when people tell me oh well you look fine!

Try looking through my ears into my brain and tell me oh well you look fine! That’s the sneaky thing with these men. A phrase I heard often from my h “oh well at least I don’t hit you like other men do, you lucky you met a man like me”...yeah wasn’t I bloody lucky!