I've ended things but missing him

[Louise000000]

I ended at relationship of 6/7 months last week.
I know it was the right thing to do and I just re read about 6 mumsnet threads I'd started about various aspects of his personality that I wasn't getting so I know this was the right decision. My doubts started at the start of Jan so I feel I well and truly gave things time and by May I knew I had to end it.
I do really miss him, or is it having someone? Not sure!
I left a 10 year marriage last year and by the point of leaving I felt nothing for stbxh so I'd forgotten what a break up was like!!
Not felt like this since I was a teenager.
Wishing he would text, wishing he would ask for a second chance etc need to get a grip!! Doesn't help that I can't go out and have fun for a few weekends and take my mind off it too!!
Not sure the point of this thread exactly but felt the need!!

I'm feeling the same. It's horrible but I think a normal bit of most break ups.

@judiwench it's hard isn't it. Especially with all this time to sit and think about things.
Did you finish your relationship too?

Well done, OP, for ending a relationship you knew was wrong for you despite your evident attachment to this man. That takes real strength and courage. As PP said, this is a normal part of ending a relationship. Pamper yourself and take it 1 day at a time.

@dery after a marriage of my pandering to my husband and putting him first, I had to be true to myself now, other wise I'd just be repeating patterns wouldn't I
Easier said than done, I kept putting it off 'ill wait till we have been together longer, I'll wait till lockdown is over, I'll wait and see what it's like meeting one anothers family' etc then I just had to end it. I must trust my gut, it's there for a reason!!
Yes I had strong ing feelings for him and still absolutely fancy the pants off him, although our last video chat he was like a 15 year old boy, couldn't say how he felt or what he wanted and just sat there awkward, so I'm trying to remember that when I start panging for him!! 😁

Well done OP. For me I've always felt worse after ending a relationship than the other person ending it with me because it feels like I'm the one who has inflicted all the pain on myself and them. The good thing is you're not doubting your decision and you're remembering why you've ended it. It will get a lot easier, so stick to your guns, be easy on yourself (remember you've actually done yourself and him a favour as you can now both move on) and let yourself heal.

Yes, it's absolutely horrible. My ex is in a bad place and i feel like I've thrown more on top of him. So in addition to being sad about the break up I'm worried for his mental health.

The PPs are right though, one day at a time and look after yourself. You've split up for a reason, so keep your chin up.

I had this when I split with my ex, even though I knew it was the right decision. I think for me it was purely wanting him to fight for our relationship, wanting him to fight for me! Over time that’s what I realised, that I knew it wasn’t working, he didn’t treat me well but I wanted him to show that he cared about us. It didn’t happen, I moved on. But I understand that feeling, it will pass.

I feel the same, he didn't put that much of a fight up!! Will never have any idea how he felt about me or if I meant anything to him.

Is it helpful to know though? And would it change anything? My ex didn't either, although he was upset. But putting up a fight doesnt change the relationship. In some ways he has done you a favour as he may have put up a fight, but you'd still be in the same crap relationship.

The other side of it is, would you have?

This is normal I think - every time I've ended a relationship I've gone through exactly this phase! Well done for having the self awareness to end it. My advice would be just to roll with these feelings, let yourself feel them, don't give yourself a hard time for having them - but just don't do anything about them (like contacting him). I think that, especially at the moment, when we're all missing our old lives, it's natural and human to yearn for what we've lost, and to ignore all the non-ideal parts of it. One possible tactic is to tell yourself that, if you're still missing him in 3/4/5/whatever months, then you can contact him if you want to. But I doubt you'll want to!

I also ended a relationship some weeks ago now and miss him a great deal. We were going to try and stay friends (as neither of us have friends of our own, we just had each other), to support each other through lockdown, but its been a few weeks now since I've heard from him which has made me sad again that he didn't even care enough about me to be a friend (part of my reason for ending it was realising, after many years, that he didnt really love me. So this just feels like another kick in the teeth).

It all just seems really hard to deal with right now.

I feel the same, he didn't put that much of a fight up!! Will never have any idea how he felt about me or if I meant anything to him.

The last guy I dumped was completely fine about it. Then a few weeks later he emailed me and offered to take my kids on holiday (which tbh I found pretty creepy). I replied very politely saying no thanks and please don't contact me again, let's have a clean break etc. About 4 months later he emailed again and suggested that my kids go and stay with him for half term(!) I ignored that and haven't heard from him since.

The lesson from this is that some men are too proud or emotionally repressed to be visibly upset about a break up but that doesn't mean it meant nothing. But anyway - you sound like a smart and lovely women and I'm sure you mean a lot to people in your life who are worth your love and attention. There will be another relationship, and the fact that you're single ensures you're ready for it when it happens.

I don't really have any advice but your not alone, I ended a 7 month relationship about 8 weeks ago, it is hard when you've spent half a year investing your love in someone that in the end wasn't right for you but are still attracted to. I keep thinking better things to come that's how I get through.

no advice OP, but I'm in the same position. ended a 2 year relationship 4 or 5 weeks ago and really miss him. but can't work out whether I miss him or just being with someone. I have to keep holding onto why I finished it - the reasons were valid and nothings changed.

It's much harder because of lockdown I think.

I'm in this club too, it's shit. So painful. But I'm proud I stood my ground and put my own self respect first. Staying friends with someone you have feelings for never works unfortunately. I think all in or all out is the cleanest way x

I guess it's the lockdown that magnifies everything. It's funny as some times in the day I'm positive and others I feel really pangy and feel 'maybe I threw in the towel too soon' I know I didn't though!!
Onwards and upwards!!!
Probably as soon as I get over him he will reach out, they always do!!

Op, I’m going through the same thing, ended it with my OH of 4 years 3 weeks ago, devastated and constantly thinking same, have I done the right thing, I know I have but it still hurts, it’s so painful, hoping it gets better soon

I feel your pain, op. I’ve recently ended a friendship with a married man whom I met when he was separated. We developed non-platonic feelings for each other after he returned to his wife. He wanted an affair, I did not. I told him I couldn’t continue with our friendship and he has responded by blocking me. I am grieving a friendship and also the possibility of a relationship that was never to be. I feel sick and bereft in a way I haven’t felt since I was in my early 20’s. I came out of a long and unhappy marriage 2 years ago and felt nothing like this. Lockdown just accentuates the pain as there’s little possibility of moving on. In the meantime he has the comfort of his wife and a coterie of female friends (admirers). I know I’ve done the “right thing” but it’s still shit.

Strange isn't it, I came out of a long marriage too and even though he broke up with me I wasn't really that bothered and moved on straight away yet when I end a short relationship with someone I was in love with but was wrong for me, so heart breaking and actually feel guilty for not caring about my ex H.

I ended a relationship just before lockdown. I am terribly lonely and sad and genuinely alone. But I'm no longer with a thoughtless self centered liar who made me mistrust my instincts every day.

Another one here... ended on Wednesday, really missing him but he goes through motions of treating me like 5 years old girl, and I have had enough.

I'm already feeling more positive this week. Really going to use the time on my own to focus on my kids and also myself for a while!!
Hope everyone is doing OK

On the other side of the fence, being the dumpee not the dumper, I haven't 'fought for him'. I've taken his reasons with respect and tried to accept it. I love him desperately and have cried every day for weeks. It doesn't mean the other person doesn't care if they accept your decision with grace.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out @Louise000000 - his reaction may have been stoic and internalised. I feel @LostandLockeddown has presented an alternative explanation that I've experienced too. I've been in the same place and you don't protest the decision because you don't want for them to be hurt and feel guilt about your pain.