Furious - DP told dd about separation without me

[Whitegrenache]

Dp and I decided to separate this week

Been a long time coming but we finally agreed this week. No affairs and no violence etc just simply fallen out of love

I mentioned on Thursday evening that we may tell kids on Friday night , but as the weather was so lovely and kids all out playing in garden I decided to have a bbq - our close neighbours who we are self isolating with (rural farm) and their kids came down and when dp came home from work he joined us as we were every evening continuing to act as normal even though the separation has happened so quickly.

Went in at 10pm with ds and ready to go to bed and DD was in her room talking to mates

So Bloody hell - dp only went and told Dd 14 last night without me as he "couldn't hold it in any longer "

He also thought I had invited neighbours down to make the announcement
Like wtf?? Why on earth did he think I would do that?

She was upset but I talked to her afterwards and she's ok today - she's gone to her Saturday job today where there are adults who she is close to and who will support her

Partially my fault too as I maybe should have told dp I didn't want to tell them that evening but failed to do so.

I wanted to get all our ducks in a row before I told them so we had answers to any questions that may have - see part of the problem is our communication with each other clearly.

Anyway I told DP we would draw a line under it and not argue about and So we now have to tell ds 11 today

I wanted to wait until we had exact plans in place and a date when he will move out before we told them but we must tell ds as Dd knows.

Any advice how to manage this?
Thanks

Bump

Not going to lie, it’s a really tough thing to tell your kids. Just be calm, present a united front and try to answer any questions honestly in an age appropriate way. It will totally rock their world, they might seem ok initially but they will process it and struggle with it....but from experience I can tell you it will get better. It’s good there is no affair or poor behaviour from one side as that makes it harder to be supportive of the other parent. Good luck and be strong

I agonized for years over leaving and about how the children would respond.
It stopped me leaving for a very long time...years of increasing toxicity.
I spoke to counselors and wrote individual letters to each child, didn't sleep for days before telling them.
They were completely unconcerned by it all.
They said thank God, we thought that you were going to tell us that one of you had a terminal illness or something.
Kids were aged between 12 and 21

Just told him and he sobbed his heart out.
But he is now feeling better and we cuddling in bed whilst he is on iPad
Then we are going for a bike ride