Can't believe I'm writing this. Not sure where to start. I'll try and be brief, just a little background for info : we've been together 8 years, married for 4, 2 year old dd who is just amazing. On the whole we have a good relationship, split most things 50/50, and coparent well. We've had our fair share of arguments over the years, one huge one over Brexit!! (but with underlying tensions including unemployment) we ended up living apart for 4 months and despite this nothing nasty was ever said and I thought I can trust this person even when shit hits the fan so was happy to have a child with him. We currently live in a flat that my parents bought as they're renting elsewhere, they're not rich, this is their lives' savings so I'm incredibly grateful and it gives us a chance to build the careers we want.
Fast forward to yesterday. We had an argument about politics and both ended up sulking. Today I had a Skype chat with friends scheduled and did that and it was a lot of fun. Hadn't spoken to my husband all day. I wasn't happy that we'd both sulked and don't want that kind of environment for our daughter. I come up to the bedroom and he's fuming and says he can't believe I called him stupid (i didn't) and dismissed his entire life (I suggested lockdown hadn't change things much for him seeing as he hadn't had much work this year and doesn't go out much). He was on the verge of tears and said he wanted to divorce and then shouted shut up when I started to speak.
I have a pretty high threshold with what I'll put up with so said if he gets aggressive I'm calling the police (in our 8 years together he's shouted a couple of times and slammed a door a couple of times, no violence but grew up in a violent household and I really don't want to even give it a chance to ever escalate). He also called me a princess and said I was spoilt by my parents (I was, with unconditional love and support, obv including the current housing situation, and despite which they don't actually have much money). He then called his mum and put her on speakerphone. She's always been civil and kind to me but said that I'd been belittling her son for a while and that although she's grateful for what my parents did for him he's not been feeling included in the family (they've gone above and beyond to include him). Anyway by that point, I'm just besides myself thinking this isn't happening.
I don't trust him right now and am worried we'll go ahead and separate but I'm absolutely terrified he'll throw me under the bus. We've both agreed to work part time and look after our daughter but recently I've had more work than him (although still not full time) and I'm really worried he might somehow make out he's the main carer. On the whole, I look after my daughter more, I take her to play groups, sort out nursery, teach her things at home etc. My second concern is the flat. It's still in my parents ' name. But, say this is retrievable, and we end up staying together, am I forced to give him 50% of the value of the flat? Is there any legal doc to avoid that? He doesn't pay rent or anything but is hands on with repairs etc.
Finally, he just doesn't have any money, he's has a little bit of debt (we've kept our financial affairs separate), I'm essentially the breadwinner. My family lives abroad and if we separate, I'd want to go there as I'll have more help, and frankly more money and job prospects as mine are very rocky at the moment. Given all this, what ducks should I get in a row?speak to a solicitor? It's such a mish mash...sorry if this isn't very coherent I can't believe I'm typing this. I think the red line that was crossed for me today was the shouting, insulting my family and his mum saying this when without us he'd have been struggling massively financially. Any other advice welcome.... Thank you for listening