Withdrawing consent of supervised contact?

[Herewegoagain19891]

Exp was abusive to dd who is 19 months, at first hearing his barrister effectively bullied me into agreeing to supervised contact (self representating). I agreed that I want dd to have a healthy relationship with exp if he could sort out his issues by going on a dvpp course but even then I doubt he will change.

Dd has her first supervised session with him Saturday (first of 3 two hour sessions that are court ordered), the courts don't seem to be doing anything to safe guard dd or get exp to sort himself out even though he admitted some incidents I had listed did happen however didn't state which. They haven't ordered a s7, nor a finding of fact, they aren't even looking to get a full observation report from the social worker going the supervision. So now I'm wondering if at the next hearing in 3 weeks if I should with draw my consent and say I'm not happy. Has anyone done this? Aibu if I do this? I am getting legal representation but legal aid hasnt yet come through and thinking how I can protect dd. Ss and health visitor already involved.

I also made a report to the police before the court process started but asked them not to press charges, I had my reasons. Now I'm wondering also if I should see if I can now.

Bump

If the charges are against you it won't make any difference. His Court action is to spend time with your joint DD not you.

In fact it would mean that his interaction with you would be limited to written contact e.g. email and drop offs done in a neutral place with possibly third parties doing them.

@BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup the charges are not against me they're against dd.

Exp is also requesting I do drop offs not that this can be enforced. Over the last 4 months I have said he could see dd but just that until his sorted his anger issues this needed to be supervised by either a neutral party or one of my family members, he has opted for non of the above. Social services were informed of his behaviour towards dd and felt as dd currently isn't having contact with exp that she is being safe guarded. I have been cooperative during the whole process, continuously offered contact, sending his solicitors referral forms for the contact centre. I'm very much aware it is dds right to have a relationship with her dad, this isn't about him for me this is about dd, but with the amount of abuse he had subjected her to, abuse that was similar to the abuse be subject me too (minus the sexual abuse) then no I'm not just going to roll over and allowing him to have unsupervised contact so that he can do as he pleases with her. This is a man who has yelled at her calling her a Paki, splashed water in her face when she was crying, threatened to slap her. Please read one of my old threads from last year, just some of what he would subject her to:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3578663-Why-does-he-do-this?pg=1

I understand some women use their children as weapons and I feel so sorry for those good father's who have to endure time away from their kids, damn I felt sorry for exp. But the courts aren't even doing any safe guarding checks when it comes to dd, no section 7 no fact find.. nothing.

Is the supervised contact at a contact centre?

Under these circumstances I wouldnt be happy with a friend or relative of his as supervisor.

@PicsInRed, no currently no centres open, this is through an independent social worker.. one chosen by exp and that I have found out has a criminal record for fraud.

I wasn't happy with it being only one of his friends or relatives supervising which is why I asked for it to be one of my family members and his.. so that we both have mutual parties present.

You need a good lawyer and fast, I would state that contact can be made on your terms with someone completely bias not his friend, you need to be writing down what she is like when she come back from contact and also if she is happy to go to see him and if he has admitted abuse and the court hasn't taken that into context I would be speaking to social services myself about the safe guarding issue as then when you go back to court you have evidence off your concerns.

You do have to stick to the court order until you go back, but definitely get in touch with social services and tell them your concerns

no currently no centres open, this is through an independent social worker.. one chosen by exp and that I have found out has a criminal record for fraud.

While I sympathise with the position you are in OP and how scary and upsetting it must be, Im afraid I dont believe the above statement. If that is the case why havent you informed the social workers employers?

@JustAnotherPoster00

OP please read my PMs.

I wouldn't have believed it myself, only found out because no one (his solicitor etc) had communicated what was going on so I ended up giggling to see who the isw was.. and then I found that out. With regards to that, I understand she has done her time was suspended etc but when you find out that someone who is meant to honest has done such a thing it does make me question them.

I've just replied @BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup

OP problem is because it's a Court they will see the social worker as being rehabilitated, so you need to find another reason why the social worker can't be used.