I’m 31 years old and still stuck in between issues with my mother and grandmother.
They no longer talk (she is my mothers mother) for many reasons. All throughout my life even as a child they would argue and not talk for months / years at the time then reconcile only for it to happen again. My mother claims that my grandmother was emotionally abusive and neglectful when she was a child and will constantly bring up her terrible childhood daily unless I ask her to stop. My mother herself was emotionally abusive to me and even to this day is a very difficult person at times and sees no wrong in any of her actions and always plays the victim. I think she has borderline personality disorder but it hasn’t been diagnosed.
My mother was a single parent and I’ve never had a relationship with my father or his side of the family. We lived with my grandparents until I was around 4 so I’ve always been very close to my grandmother who now lives a few hours away. I speak to her over the phone and visit when I can. My mother is angry and jealous that I still have a relationship with her. My grandmother doesn’t have anyone else only me and I understand that my mother has issues from her childhood but I wasn’t there and I’ve never seen any of the abuse. She refuses to go to therapy and insists on using me as her emotional dumping ground for her past issues. She has caused me issues that I have been to therapy for myself I can’t be her therapist as well as her daughter.
I am close to my mother speak to her daily and see her regularly but she is resentful that I still speak to my grandmother and it often causes arguments between us. I’m sick of being stuck in the middle of this mess and the arguments it’s causes! I don’t want to cut either of them out of my life so how do I manage both?