I was married for 25 years, the last 11 were loveless and sexless. During this time I now recognise I was abused emotionally and I was at times afraid of the aggression my husband showed me though he never hit me. It was like living on eggshells. He was 10 years younger and came to me with no money, we married when I was 34 and I had had 3 previous properties. During our marriage I lost both my parents to dementia plus I was heavily involved in the care of my disabled brother until he died 3 years ago. I had so much going on I shelved my personal life and I also had a job and daughter to bring up and at times it was so hard so put my own happiness on hold.
I decided enough was enough in 2018 and after a row about our daughter he asked if I wanted a divorce and because I was pushed and I said yes. By this time I had someplace to go because I was fortunate enough to have inherited my parents house, so I gave the tenant 3 months’ notice and continued to live in the marital home which was a nightmare, I was led to believe he was entitled to my inherited property so we split our marital home and my property down the middle and I agreed to sign a legal agreement which divided our assets, he gave me 30k difference as he had a new car and more savings in his name. I was under a lot of stress at the time and knew if I sought legal advice I would be under the cosh with him. I also agreed not to touch his pension though I knew it was double mine and I was entitled. He had bad MH issues and sat crying playing on my sympathy to let him keep the house. At this time because we didn’t have sex I asked if he was gay, he categorically said no.
I moved back to my parents home, along with my daughter and some months later created myself an online profile and went on gay dating sites, and yes there he was….I sent him a letter to which he didn’t reply. I felt so, so stupid and it took the wind from my sails but by this time I had a new partner though I still have massive, massive trust issues going on from which I don’t think I’ll recover. I felt sick the fact was he had known our whole marriage he was gay and I fitted the picture because his parents are religious and he didn’t want to admit even to himself he wasn’t.
I halted the divorce and took proper advice and was told because I had signed the legal agreement, saying I had taken legal advice, dividing our assets it would be hard to convince a court. I had no case so I have lost about 120K.
I contacted him and asked if he wanted to mediate, sort out without mediation or go to court (not telling him I didn’t have a case) he said he couldn’t deal with this as it was upsetting his MH because I said I wanted my inheritance and the 35K my parents left me. His solicitors wrote to me last week (his aunt so it won’t cost him) stating if I didn’t let the absolute go through in 7 days they would and I would have to pay their highly inflated costs and to not contact him at all. Not that I want to. He feels he is entitled to my inheritance as he supported me with my family.
I can’t tell you how much I hate this man for stealing from me, I have worked hard and have absolutely nothing to show for it and I will have to work for much longer than planned until I am 67. Imagine how I’ll feel when he is retired at 55 and I am still working.
Our daughter still sees him and I really wished she wouldn’t because he doesn’t deserve her but that is entirely her choice of course. He is her dad at the end of the day.
So the moral of my tale is always take legal advice and don’t be a fool like me. I feel totally beaten and this really stings, all my own fault of course but when you are under pressure you do things you live to regret later. I urge anyone out there to take advice even if it means keeping this from your partner, it is what I should have done and it’s too late for me now.