Name changed for this post.
Regular mner (penis beaker,snapped and farted,cysteine chapel etc etc)
Today after years and years of feeling like the non important dd in my mother's life I finally told her,very calmly but directly I've had enough and this is the last and final time I'm going to be made to feel that way by her.
Too many examples to post but I have an older ds 6 years older than me who as ever since I can remember been the be all and end all.
In childhood many people would see it as sibling rivalry but it has continued and has started having an effect on my dc so I've had it.
Dm is almost obsessed with ds and her one child to the degree she still goes to the drs with her 
gets shopping g for her at least twice a week even though ds has a partner,goes up and cuts her hedge and garden,and helps clean her house etc etc.
Over the years I constantly hear poor ds and oh she's struggling etc etc and when I point out she's a grown adult with a family of her own and actually a little help my way would be fab as I work full time (ds never had a job)and I have two dc but the comment was always brushed off as apparently I don't ever ask nor need help.
She has had my youngest to stay overnight twice in 10 years and one of their spare rooms they actually used to call my dn room 😳
Anyway invited her over with my dd to socially distance on our very large land last week for an hour to see the dc as she's been moaning on at how it's hard not seeing them (I pointed out she had not really spent much time with them before)
So she comes at the time id suggested in a strop. Out of my ear shot at the time she said she felt really bad because my ds wasn't here and that she just wanted to go home 
I knew nothing about this until later in the evening so I sent her a message saying I was quite pissed off about it and hurt as it was so she could see my dc for an hour
Anyway it was as per usual brushed off.
It has bugged me for days and days and so today I took the opportunity to actually tell her how she behaves is shocking and I've actually had enough now.
I told her all my life I have felt second best etc etc and every txt I get always mentions ds or her child and yet half the time she doesn't even ask about my day or my dc.
I also told her that if I had of heard her say that the other day I would have kicked her ass out of my house and banned her.
I said I've put up with all the little things and not so little things being made to feel not important all my life but that is NOT going to happen to my dc and how bloody dare she think it's a brush off thing to say.
For the first time I can remember she actually properly apologised more than once and actually accepted what I said rather than turn herself into a victim of how hard she tries to help us all blah blah blah.
So sorry for the long post but I just had to put it somewhere as I can't believe how much better that has made me feel.
I feel like finally I will no longer quietly take it all and not mention it again for fear of upsetting her and causing a drama which is what's always happened before.
It's just made me realise I can say it and walk away with no guilt if I've upset her like she keeps doing to me and now my dc.
I feel much stronger for it
Thanks for reading if you got this far 