So huge backstory here. We were together as teenagers, grew apart as we got to early twenties went off and did our own thing. I had a baby with a man who disappeared when I was pregnant and who had never been in my sons life.
Me and my son (now 6) lived alone until he was 4. By this point DP was back on the scene. He’d never really left we had always been close friends. I became unexpectedly pregnant so he moved in. All was fine.
Now I’m prepared to take some of the blame here as I did it all first time around on my own I had certain routines and liked things done a certain way with DS and then DS2 who came alone so we argued quite a lot whilst I was breastfeeding. I suppose I thought because I had a partner this time it would be easier but he’s of the kind that when he’s been at work all day he likes 20 minutes to himself when he walks through the door etc and I can’t deal with that. When I’ve been in my own with the boys all day I need a break when he comes in at 5.30, house clean, tea on the table etc.
Since I became pregnant with DS2 sex has been virtually non existant. I virtually have to beg him. He says it’s because it’s not high on his priority list. He’s not bothered by it and to be fair to him he’s never been bothered but not as bad as he is now. This morning I discovered he had given our 18 month old son piriteze (6+) in the night instead of piriton. His excuse I didn’t notice I was tired and it was dark. I flew off the handle at him. And everything that has been playing in my mind for the last 2 years came flying out. He thinks I’m unreasonable. I admit I am at times when it comes to modelling behaviour in front of the children, ie he doesn’t use a knife at mealtimes. I ask him too and he rolls his eyes at me. I ask him on his way up the stairs if there’s a pile of washing to be taken up can he take it. Yes he says. Does he? No. Just little things like that that all add up. But the sex thing really upsets me. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel we become emotionally and physically closer when we have sex and he doesn’t see it like that. He thinks I’m obsessed, I’m really not. Once a fortnight would be fine!! I’m not asking for it twice a day. He hasn’t initiated sex in at least 2 years. It’s not normal is it?
I also find him short and snappy and fed up with my 6 year old. Who he says he loves as his own but I think when DS2 came along he definitely makes it clear that he is the favourite. He never has any praise for DS1, will play with him etc but on his terms and if DS2 gets in the way (tries to get attention) while he’s playing with DS2, poor DS1 gets told off. I just don’t know what to do anymore.