I feel so alone

[Jackeroosmum]

I'm October last year I found my husband of 10 years (together 16) had had a 2 year long affair back in 2017. He ended it, changed jobs and never told me. Anyway I found out as he was messaging someone about it on twitter saying how hard it was as he was besotted with her. Unfortunately this wasn't the first time he had been unfaithful so in February this year he moved out (took so long as a week after I discovered it all my dad had a heart attack).
Anyway obviously lock down is not helping but I feel so alone. Things are tough, the kids (9 and nearly 5) are starting to struggle especially my youngest who seems to think this is temporary and the longer it goes on the harder she finds it and she misses me loads and misses us being a family unit of 4.
I'm so tired of being strong for everyone else and I find noone has my back. My husband was that guy for 16 years and now I'm all alone. I have noone to cry to when I feel like crap because my children are struggling, noone to rage at when I feel so angry and noone to just tell me it will all be okay.
Any advice? How to people cope with this?

2 month long affair sorry, not 2 years!

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I was you 3 years ago, though my children are grown up. Do you have any family you can talk to? I felt exactly the same as you, that there was no one on my side. I got through it because I have two sisters who are 100% on my side. Are there any friends you can confide in? I'm sorry, lovely, no real advice, but didn't want you to feel alone.

Thanks for replying. I do have my sister and a couple of friends and they were great the first couple of weeks but it's like they think that I should be okay now. I also think with lockdown and all the issues that raises they have so much going on that I don't really feature any more. I text my sister last night, a very honest message about how I was feeling and not coping etc and I just got a sorry that tough,when lockdown is over I will come and visit you message back. She didn't try and call or chat, felt like I was just being shut down 🙁

I kicked my ex out when I found out about his affair. We had been together 19 years and had a 7yr old and a 5 yr old. The shock and grief was hard to bear - giving up on my idea of my family, visions of our future etc. I just had to let myself grieve and cry, be angry, hurt and shocked in turn. I cried a lot. There's so short cut to grieving. I simply accepted that the only thing that would make me feel better was to embrace the hurt and sadness and that one day I would wake up and it no longer hit me in the pit if my stomach. I also relied on a few very good friends who were so kind and supportive. I am still on my own today (though I've had relationships between) and I know I am strong enough and independent enough to survive in my only. In reality my XH wasn't that great at supporting me - he was just someone to talk to. It was and is me who got me through. You can survive - accept the pain and hurt. It will get easier. And talk to friends - there's a lot of kindness to be had.

What do you mean your child misses you op? Are they with their dad, or are you not able to engage?

We have about a 60/40 split. She misses me when she goes to her dad's.

Thanks for the advice. What do you do when you don't have your person anymore? Who do I turn to for support? I just feel a bit lost 🙁

Turn to friends and yourself. Find your inner strength. What is it really you cannot do on your own? Very little. And in reality, how great was his support for you really? Was it just a comfort blanket? Someone to talk to? There are other people you can turn to who are loyal and have your interests at heart. Thats not your X.