Am I overthinking this?

[Tjfrog]

I’m just getting really fed up with my boyfriend calling the shots in the relationship. Maybe it’s me thats over reacting and that is fair enough if I am.

Me and my boyfriend don’t live together but it is about a 10 min car drive away, we haven’t seen each other much due to coronavirus recently and in normal life he has lots of hobbies that he does in his spare time. Since lockdown was relaxed and you could meet in parks, we have had a picnic together and 2 socially distanced walks. Last weekend was bank hol and he had 4 days off in a row. Usually we would have seen each other 3 out of those 4.
We did meet up on the sun but he decided he was busy with diy jobs and gardening on the other days. I was a little gutted that we were both off work on the Tuesday but he decided he was too busy to see me as he wanted to do diy all day. Fair enough, nothing I could do. I always have to ask when he is free to see me, we only ever meet when he is free.

This weekend I am busy most of the weekend, I will move things around to try and find time to see him but he doesn’t do the same for me. He knew I was busy so could have done his diy this weekend rather than on the day we were both free.
He has made me feel guilty for being busy this weekend and has moaned that I complain it’s always him that’s busy etc. Which it usually is, but just so happens I have a big thing on this weekend that can not be helped.

When I am busy and he is free he will often plan things on purpose that he knows I will enjoy to make me feel guilty. This time it’s meeting a friend of his that I don’t like, she fancies him and he knows it winds me up when he meets her without me. Other times it will be booking my favourite restaurant and saying oh well I had this booked but I’ll have to take some one else now. Or after nagging to do something like bowling or ice skating or cinema together which he says no, will then go do that activity with said friend as if to make me jealous.

Is this just me tired, stressed and over thinking things?

No you’re not stressing or over thinking he sounds like a massive game player.

He’s your boyfriend and he is taking someone else who he knows fancies his to do activities you have asked him to do to get a ride from you.

If your friend was in this situation or even your daughter, what would your advice be?

Don’t blame yourself and accept his ways because that’s not normal behaviour and you want to nip that relationship in the bud if you ask me.

Doesn’t sound mature at all or know how to act properly in a relationship.

Tell him to enjoy his day out with friend and don’t contact you again. And if he tried making out that your a psycho, tell him he’s a psycho for playing weird games with you!

Loads more people out there for you hun don’t waste your time on this dickhead xx

Life is too short for mind games.

My Mum would tell you he's from the "treat'em mean to keep 'em keen" school of dating and therefore should be dropped like a hot potato. I don't always agree with my Mum, but here I most definitely do.

You're not over-thinking or stressing out - he's being highly and very unsubtly manipulative. You could try calling him out on it, but frankly I don't think he's worth the effort. How about this weekend you don't move things around. When he contacts you how about saying "You're obviously not that keen on me, so I think we should call it day. Have a good life. Good bye" and hang up and block straight away. Don't engage in debate - actions speak louder than words and his actions are shouting loud and clear..

He does these things to make you jealous? How old is he?

This relationship is not making you happy. You are not obliged to continue.

He's manipulative and disrespectful. Block. xx

I agree with others I definitely don't think your overthinking things here. Sounds a bit of a tw%t. Agree with what Dpotter has put, actions speak louder then words

Young love is not this difficult. If he loved you he would WANT to see you. Sorry 💐

Don't rearrange anything for him. In fact just dump him. Far too much hard work and messing with your head. It's all about him.

Men who are genuinely interested in you, make time to see you. it doesn't matter what's in their schedule, they will fit you into it somehow.

You are always going to be his last resort, someone he sees when he's certain there is nothing else going on that he'd rather be doing. You're better than that OP - get rid and find someone who values your company a bit more.

What a knob, he's either a stupid playing hard to get or just not interested, your definately not a priority, female friend Pffttt! sod that
not worth your time and energy.
Feel good in being the one to ditch him because he isn't good enough for you.

He’s an absolute prick and you’d be better off dumping him. That’s emotional abuse, he doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings clearly. Asshole

Dump him. He has no respect for you.

I'd leave the pair of them to it

Don't text him, don't engage

Thank you all, confirmed what I thought. I don’t seem like a priority to him and I don’t think I ever will be.
Time to let go.

@Tjfrog You're making the best decision, effort in a relationship should be 50/50 not 80/20 or less and trying to make you jealous about another woman is just cruel. I was in a simular situation for 6 months, I realised I couldn't keep giving without much in return so in the end they don't deserve any.

It’s funny because I have since found out tonight that he spent half that day doing his hobby with a friend (male friend)
So can now add lying to the list too, which is not the first time might I add.
Sat crying at how shit this whole situation is. He thinks it’s normal for couples to keep secrets and not tell each other everything in a relationship. I’m not having him play me anymore

Lying - Normal for him I expect but not normal and acceptable behaviour in a healthy relationship. You know what you're happy to put with so don't let him manipulate you, see this relationship as a learning experience of what you don't want in man, I'm sure you could find a much better relationship.