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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my ex a narcissist

6 replies

Sfan44 · 27/05/2020 13:46

Hey,

In late December I met a guy through a dating app and we started dating right away. He was sweet, charming, very good looking and kind. Things were moving fairly quickly although we'd only see each other once a week (he lived in London, an hour away from where I live).

Roughly 2 months into the relationship (about 3 weeks after we became "official") he started to become a bit flakey. Taking hours to text back, ignoring certain questions when he did reply (questions like are we doing something this weekend?). His excuse for taking ages to text back was his job, although that didn't seem to be a problem when we first met? He'd then start to flake out of meeting up but always insisted he "wasn't cancelling, just moving to another day".

The final straw came a few weeks ago when it was my birthday. The government had eased lockdown restrictions so we were allowed to meet one other person from another household if outdoors. We hadn't seen each other since the last weekend of February so I suggested we should go for a SD walk the day before my birthday (mid May, a Sunday) and he said yeah sure! Saturday night I wake up at 2am and I check my phone to see he is online. Not that that bothered me at all. He said he was having trouble sleeping. Ok. Anyway I get a message in the morning saying can we move the walk to Tuesday as he had a migraine. Disappointed but understanding I agreed to that. I ask him on my birthday if he still wants to do the walk tomorrow. He ignores the question. I ask him again on Tuesday morning and he cancels again and can we move it to the weekend "so it's not rushed".

That's when I messaged him and ended it. I did it in a really nice way saying no hard feeling etc. Then he responded by telling me "I'm so impulsive"!

I've not spoken to him since.

Oh, and he's had lots of relationships but nothing long term. I think a year was his longest.

I'm now looking back and thinking "where the hell did I go wrong?!"

OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 27/05/2020 13:54

Where you went wrong was wasting your time on a man who has shown you he isnt that interested and has strung you along. I wouldnt waster your time thinking about him and simply move on and set your bar higher next time.

Windmillwhirl · 27/05/2020 13:56

Why do you think he is a narcissist? He"s flakes and not that into you by the sounds of it.

Windmillwhirl · 27/05/2020 13:57

flakey*

MyOwnSummer · 27/05/2020 14:01

Standard issue wanker, based on what you wrote. Were there any other red flags e.g. failure to allow conversation that wasn't centred on his needs and interests?

allfacepalmedout · 27/05/2020 14:02

Nah. Just a twat.

Sfan44 · 27/05/2020 18:08

He used to boast about how he had an ex turning up to his house uninvited and having to hide in his bathroom whilst his sister answered the door. Another ex turned up to his birthday uninvited and it was "so awkward for him". Another ex who called his sister to wish her happy birthday "but really it was just to check up on him". He was also very skilled at diverting the reasons as to why he didn't want to meet up with him "you had a massive go at me last weekend, why would I want to see you" (I had a go at him because he bailed on meeting my friends for the first time at a brunch in London, 10mins from his house). He pitied himself a LOT too.

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