Wow then. I really don't know where to start here.... So I think I'm more puzzled or confused than anything else. Don't know if I'm right or wrong in the way I handle things. If I'm too soft or too hard. I will be the first to admit and accept I'm insecure, over protective and jealous and work relentlessly to change this.
With my ex 11 years. Brought 2 of her children with previous up from baby's. Then had 3 of our own together over the years. Then just like that baaam cheating. I long suspected it and told her but looking back it was definitely for the best. However has left a damaging impact on me.
After some time I ended up in a relationship with a friend I've known for as long as I can remember. Absolutely adore her. Always have and even after all this always will still. She's my world. After or official announcement of relationship the romours and trouble starts with both our exes and I discover some things that I can't even process.
First... I understand and sympathise with her as her oldest child's father was murdered. I've put my heart and sole into supporting her with this. If learned though that within a month or two of her beloveds funeral she was sleeping with his best friend. She admits this and I really do kind of understand that what she was dealing with may have led to that and reassure her that she's not bad for it.
This happened 7 years ago or so but I since discovered a conversation between them basically it was really really detailed sexting during the very start of our relationship.this also when she's friends with his girlfriend.
After all that she settled with new partner (one previous to me) for 6 years. I basically was told over the last year of her cheating at times ect. So we spoke about it and gave her reasoning which I fully take in. But they then come to an end and withing few days sleeping with his best friend too.
On the 28th April before we were committed she phoned me and I asked so what and when would she consider cheating so I know where we stand at the time. She says anything from intimate messages and now so just commit to her. So I did.22nd may we make it official. I'm then shown multiple messages from during that time basically showing she's still repeatedly sleeping with him still and still sexting ext even though she made me commit.
She denies it for months and it absolutely destroyed me but I'm determined to keep it together and she does finally admit one occasion and that's enough for me to move past it.
Over the year there has been trivial stuff that means more to me than she thinks it should. Eg
Her friend comes around while I'm at work bringing her cousin who bullied me through childhood. While on the phone to her I hear him and say. She says oh he's just passing I reply well I don't want him in my house. Returning from work 5 hours later guess who's sitting on my sofa. Ask her repeatedly to get rid of him and it ends up me staying out the house all night and she even says sleep out rather than get him out. Reason I keep out the way is so I don't explode.
Next occasion same again I come in from work to friend and her mam. Hear through the floor them all slagging me off so go sleep out in the car.
Next time her friend steals from me and she's actually just watching and allowing it.
Next I discover a group chat with her and my three sisters all slagging me off.
She's become very aggressive. Usually smashing pictures and canvasses off walls slamming doors ect. Threw a canvass off my face and since only laughed about it saying it was a good shot.
And basically if I bring up a concern she gets angry argues and make me feel bad for it.
Now I can't stress enough how much I love this woman. I really won't ever give up. Yes I've made my mistakes and am in no way perfect but I do intensivly make afford to be better.
Please just opinions to try give me clarity for myself