Painfully broody.

[LittleDuckliing]

Hi.

I’m 26, fiancé is 32. We’ve been together short of 7 years and I am so so so broody it hurts. It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

I can’t stop thinking about getting a positive test, announcing it, having a human grow inside my belly, new born snuggles. The whole shebang.

My fiancé is a nurse & he says I need to lose a good few stone before even properly considering TTC due to added risks of being obese.

I’m sat here, at almost 130am, unable to even think straight after pointless sex. It’s not normal to burst into tears after sex because you’re so desperate for a baby is it? What do I do from here? Where do I go next?

I hate this 😭😭😭

Are you actually obese?? If so, I'm really sorry to say that your DP has a point. If not... why is he badgering you about your weight??

Natural to feel broody at your age. You're perfectly biologically adapted!

It’s not normal to burst into tears after sex because you’re so desperate for a baby is it

Ah to hell with what normal is innit. And sex is never pointless

I definitely need to lose a good 4st @Whathewhatnow.

Probably a good idea to lose weight first.

Do you have any plans on how to get to a healthy weight? What do you think contributes to you carrying extra weight? Comfort eating? Addicted to sugar? Health issues?

You have a good incentive to lose weight there.
What your partner is saying is common sense.

Having 4 stones to lose isn't healthy, and if you have any underlying issues affecting your weight, it would be in your and your future baby's interest to get them sorted before you conceive.

Good luck and don't forget to keep us posted when the baby finally arrives.

I had health issues. Lots of painkillers which made me hangry all the time. My contraception really wasn’t helping matters either. I’ve lost 6lbs in 2 weeks since stopping my contraception. With the combination of the 2, it took literal starvation for the scales to budge more than a few pounds. I had an eating disorder & lost a tonne then I had major surgery a few years later & barely ate more than about 800kcals a day for a good month or so because I had no appetite. They are literally the only 2 times I’ve had any real weight loss.

I’ve lost almost a stone in the last month, I’m running 20-25km a week. It’s soul destroying knowing it’s going to take so long. Especially when I have gynaecological issues which could well have an impact on my fertility.

Could you try setting a date? Say one year from now you will be at your goal weight and begin TTC? And talk that through with your fiance so you're on the same page?

It's totally normal to be broody at 26 by the way!

I think people are being a bit harsh to you, OP. Yes of course it would be healthier to lose weight before getting pregnant, but you need to be able to have a proper conversation about this with your DP. What if you lose some weight but not 'enough' and he carries on refusing to discuss it? Does he definitely want a baby at some point?

Good luck OP & remember time is on your side. The more weight you lose the quicker it’ll come off. All in time.

You have been through an awful lot for someone so young. Did you uncover and resolve the trauma that triggered the eating disorder? If not it might be wise to seek some counselling so that any subconscious are alleviated that might be causing you to feel so intense and stressed currently which might in turn hinder conception. I would give your mind a body a full detox so that you are ready to start trying by the end of the year maybe

It sounds like he's fobbing you off in my opinion

Your bf is right - you need to get to a healthier weight before getting pregnant or you’ll risk both yours and your baby’s health. Both in short and long terms too.

In addition - don’t have children before actually getting married. Being with someone for uses isn’t a substitute for legal protection marriage provides to you and the child.

Good luck

Thanks for the background info @LittleDuckliing. You poor thing, you have been through a lot.

I wish you well as you seem really nice, are obviously motivated and there is nothing abnormal about being broody at 26.

Talk to your fiance and get a wedding date sorted. If he is fobbing you off, you're better off finding out.
As pp said, for legal reasons.

Sex is never pointless! And you don’t know how long it’ll take when you do ttc so I’d have a think about how you’ll keep the spark alive if, like many people, it takes a while.

It’s true that ttc, pregnancy, delivering and life with a baby will probably all be easier at a healthy weight.

From what you’ve said, there’s no reason to think he’s fobbing you off. Maybe he’s genuinely concerned for your health and knows your likelihood of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy will be better a bit lighter.

Lose the weight , you know the complications , wise.
It may be quicker than you think too, focus on that for now