It’s getting worse and I don’t know how to handle it

[Mycatsmellsbad]

I don’t know how to link but I posted recently about dp getting caught up in conspiracy theories over this coronavirus.

He now seems to have hooked up with a few questionable characters who are feeding him links to videos proving their arguments and he’s lapping it up.

He’s on his phone constantly, reading anything he can get his hands on. He has tried a couple of times to get me to listen to them but I refuse saying I’m just not interested in politics but in reality I just think he’s fucking bonkers.

He’s been posting more about it on fb (which my friends and family can see, I’m mortified) saying he doesn’t care anymore he’s got children to think about it’s time it came to an end blah blah.

I’m scared to talk to him as you just can’t reason with him. He absolutely believes all this bullshit.

Wtf do I do? Aside from this he’s great, you wouldn’t know all this was going on. He goes back to work soon so maybe that will force him to take his mind off things, I’m just worried it’s gone too far and feel physically sick a what our future might look like.

Oh maybe I do know how to link:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3875139-You-think-you-know-someone

Yeah he just needs something to take his mind off it.

I have a family member like this - posts all sorts of shit on his FB. His DW usually just eye rolls or posts something about him being at the red wine etc

Nobody judges her, or him, for it. He’s the type who will play devils advocate and post something controversial just for the debate. But he also posts lots of lovely photos and clearly has friends who engage and take the piss a bit, but ultimately like him!

My sympathies, op, this is hard. I have a good friend who has done a similar thing, posting infuriating batshit stuff on FB etc about how it's not lethal at all, various conspiracy theories. Also a big anti vaxxers. Her choice, but her view is now polarised. And I think that is what this crisis is doing to all of us:polarising our views. For the most part I think this is massive anxiety and will calm down when we return to normal. But the crisis will also herald new MH problems. Because we are in a crisis, and you have kids to think of, I would humour him (ie agree nonchalantly when you speak, but don't actively encourage. You will know when the time is right to challenge him:stick to your values, you are right. If he's still on a 1 way course to planet batshit in 3 months time, maybe rethink, but I suspect his fear of the unknown, and desire to protect you all is leading him to make anxious, silly choices. Good luck OP.

There just seems to be a million ways this horrible situation is affecting people. I think him going back to work soon will really help. Give it a bit of time.

I have to say I would really struggle to respect, let alone share a life with, someone who believed that crap.

Is he generally prone to stuff like this? Surely there must have been signs?

I actually would end a relationship over this. How can you love someone who is so intellectually deficient and lacking in moral fibre and self-respect? Genuine question, so sorry if it sounds goady. I couldn't stay with someone who believed this nonsense.

My father's wife was like this at the beginning..
She has had a lot of control over her life circumstances and is very used to be able to direct things and people so they suit her.
It's control thing. Some people cannot handle not knowing "why."
TBH, I don't like it either, but I can accept recent scientific explanations for now.
She is also very paranoid about her 92 year old mother catching it and dying. Even before this mess, she said she would "throw herself in her mother's grave" when she died.
If this is a new thing, I'd just monitor and don't feed into the madness. Just walk the other way...

If he's still on a 1 way course to planet batshit in 3 months time, maybe rethink, but I suspect his fear of the unknown, and desire to protect you all is leading him to make anxious, silly choices

^ Perfect advice

My friends like this. A nightmare. Don't ages, even just to shut him up.

I tried this, then she told people this crazy stuff followed by and bullying believes too, she's awake.

Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic but the change in just a few weeks is alarming. I’m having to keep conversation to really light topics only and be careful what we watch on tv - even watching country file the other night caused him to shout ‘yes, fuck the system’ when some local businesses formed their own co-op to get their products out.

I would laugh if it wasn’t happening in my house.

If you think it's tipping over into mental illness, you need to try to persuade him to the gp. You could speak to Mind and try to get some advice/support there.

When he gets out of lockdown, see how he is around others. It may be that a return to work, and those who don't have a vested interest in keeping him happy (ie, you) shouting him down, may be enough to 'reset' him. If not, then it's time to worry (plus his work will likely be suffering too).

I hate to say it, but a lot of my..ummm...less than intellectual acquaintances are spouting a lot of conspiracy crap at the moment. I've taken to telling them that I don't care where, how or when this virus arose, it's only the effects that are concerning me. As soon as they know I won't argue, they tend to shut up.

I remember your original post. My other friend who posted similar stuff is still paranoid. I really hope when he goes back to work it will subside. If not then I fear the trauma of this time has impacted his mental health. He will need to get help and support and so will you. You must take care of yourself.

Would I be reasonable to ask him if he’s going to continue posting shit on fb that he remove photos of me and our children from his profile pictures? And remove my family members and mutual friends from his contacts? I don’t want to be associated with it or for him to become a laughing stock.

He’s also got where he works in his ‘about him’ bit could his views cause problems for him at work?

I think it's absolutely reasonable op

Thank you.

I spoke to him and rather than attack his views I just said I respect what you believe but you must understand that most people consider it a conspiracy theory and I don’t want you to become a laughing stock. I said I was worried about meeting up with my family in future and him getting into debates with them and trying to push his views on others. I also pointed out the potential problem of his boss seeing what he’s posting on fb.

He didn’t think that what he was putting in fb was too controversial but he said he had been removing anyone he knew from work before posting it so they wouldn’t have seen it.

He has said he will in future remove my family and mutual friends from political posts and that he has no intention of getting into arguments or Pushing his views on others. He also admitted that there was a lot of weirdos who followed this belief and they did damage to the cause BUT he did drop in asking if he could send me a link to this that and the other and that we are heading into marshal law etc but I interrupted and said this isn’t about who believes what please respect that I’m not interested in hearing about any of this, which he did.

He thanked me for speaking to him as he knew something was up and that all he wants to do is ensure that if this all kicks off the way he thinks it will, he’s fully prepared to protect me and our children.

It’s a weight off my mind just to know that the people that care about us won’t see his decline onto tinfoil land (for now at least) so I’ve got a bit of control back, hopefully I will sleep tonight.

I know no ones likely to read this but it does help me to write it down so the behaviour is logged and maybe someone else out there is going through similar and it helps them.

Is he still holding to the 'martial law is on the way' thinking? I could vaguely have understood his thinking a couple of months' ago, but now? All this talk of needing to protect you if it 'all kicks off'...no wonder you are worried.