Helping a colleague without getting too involved

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I know this isn’t fully relationships maybe, but I like this forum the best!

I have a colleague I will call her Carol.

Carol and I are not really friends outside of work but we get along and work well together. I have DC and Carol doesn’t, we don’t really share any interests as such apart from we are both single and a similar age. I am not a huge socialiser with work colleagues, and usually only go on the big do’s (like Xmas). I am also now a senior manager and like to keep it separate. Carol has worked there much longer than me and has socialised a lot with the other staff.

That is the context.

Due to the pandemic, our team has all been quite isolated at home or empty offices and it is clear that Carol is struggling with her mental health. She lives alone and doesn’t like being single, is struggling with the social distancing and no social life or dating. It’s not affecting Carol’s work but my senior colleagues are very worried about her. We have tried talking to her, and checking in on her but she doesn’t take our advice, ie using the staff wellbeing service, talking to her GP, she doesn’t want days off work. She is clearly depressed and unhappy. I do not like to see anyone feel this way

But, I am loathe to start a friendship with Carol outside of work. I think she would be a very draining friend and I do not want to end up being someone’s therapist. There is nothing I can do to change her life. But I am feeling guilty like I am a right cow... as I could do more.

Does anyone have any ideas? What could help someone feeling low?

You have signposted to help which is the responsible thing to. She needs to take it further. Horse to water and all that.
Don’t enter into a friendship if you don’t want to.

Hopefully Carol has friends or family that can support her because it's really not your responsibility so do not feel like it is.

Also, there's not much you can do if she won't listen to the advice offered.

You have done enough
At the end of the day the ONLY person that can help Carol , is Carol
If your conscience troubles you , you could speak to her line manager an express concerns
You could reach out one last time

But as always , she needs to reach out and accept she needs help

I don't think you can do anything if she won't take the help that's been offered.

Check in with her online but with a phone call not message. It makes a difference.

Phone is best, not zoom or FaceTime as that's too intrusive

I'm not sure about the HR ethics of this suggestion but is there a supportive colleague that she is closer to that you could ask to give her a call or send a message? Not necessarily to report back to you but just so that you know that Carol isn't completely isolated at the moment. Carol might also be more willing to take suggestions about seeking help from a colleague than from more senior management.

I think Carol has been telling people how awful she is feeling, so kind of reaching out but not taking any advice. So it is frustrating all round.

I do try to phone her and keep in touch but it ends up being about work! Which might not be helpful

We have work quizzes and bingo - would there be enough people interested in participating for that to be an option? I would suggest it to your line manager though!