I'm not cheating

[Moreoftober]

My marriage broke up over trust issues, all about me. I went so out of my way to prove it. But she had cheated and I gave her full trust.

Broke up with my gf tonight. When I met I told her all the trust stuff and initially she believed it but then started getting more and more paranoid. 3 days ago she made me show her every messaging app on my phone. I didn't want to, I always said I wouldn't. But I thought it would end it and I did it. I have absolutely nothing to hide.

She apologised , said all the right things and understood I would never do that again.

I left for the shops and came back for my card and she was on my laptop going through my emails.

I'm not cheating. I can't make anyone believe it

Thank you. Done a gym session and getting someone lunch and getting stuck into work. Other than that big message last night there has pretty much been nothing. I know the story though, she will feel she has admitted her fault and now it's back on me to say ah fair enough, come on back to my house.

Won't be happening (I even no that's lies and she will probably be back by tonight.)

Why put yourself through all that again?

The sex can't be that good.

Well done, all you can do is block her and stay away. Take each day as it comes and eventually you'll not feel so confused by it all.

Try to spend some time single. I've noticed with friends who go from relationship to relationship they never give themselves time to heal properly and up going for partners with similar flaws.

Not RTFT.

The trust issues isn't really about whether you can be trusted.
You aren't right for each other.

Put an end to it now as it's not going to work out.

Thanks all.

@MitziK it was that good!

You haven't dealt with your marriage breakup - whether psychologically or, emotionally, or both - and so you recreate exactly the same reason by unconsciously choosing a partner who will dish out the same.

Get single; stay single; work on what it is that makes you choose women who cheat on you. Start with the relationship you had with your mother and father, and the relationship they had with each other.

she sounds like an utter nightmare.. kick her to the kerb

Yeah, it's hard to do. I'm not handling it well. going from being really upset to furious anger, but there's nothing I can do about it. there's literally nothing I can say to make this right or fix it.

@Moreoftober you are actually handling all this very well. Having a horrible mess of emotions during this kind of situation is normal, not a sign that you aren't handling it etc. The trick is to keep steady and let the emotions happen, rather than drink/be nasty to yourself/act out/ get embroiled in drama with this woman.

Well done on the gym session and getting some food into your body. Keep taking care of yourself, try to avoid alcohol, and stay away from this woman, and you'll feel better in time.

Another quick thought, something to ponder: in western culture, we have a strong trait of responding to emotional upsets by wanting to do something about them.

This means that when you say something like this: there's nothing I can do about it. there's literally nothing I can say to make this right or fix it - this would be a negative, sad kind of statement, usually.

However - just an idea - it is worth turning that upside down and seeing it as a happy statement. What if the fact that you can't fix things with this woman, is actually very positive and freeing? How wonderful to be freed from the idea that you have to "fix" what is happening here.

She isn't a problem you need to solve. Her feelings and opinions about you, are not your problem to solve. They aren't even a problem, they just are what they are and you don't need to convince her of anything.

She can think whatever she likes and you still are a person, still valuable, still loveable, no matter what. You can just stand and observe her opinion of you, decide you don't want to spend time with someone who feels that way about you, and you can just leave it and walk away from it.

You’ll find someone else.
She sounds like the relationship you accepted out of fear of been alone and then you ended up with a rebound and found someone who was looking for someone (wether they know it or not) who is insecure.
Take sometime to build yourself back up, you will find a good match eventually

I didn't see these replies until now. I'm so so fucking gutted

But thank you. She wasn't a rebound. I wouldn't believe that from someone though if they told me.

My marriage was horrible and I spent most of the time scared of my wife losing her temper. It was awful but when I met my gf it was like it worth it meet her. She was just so different and loving and I thought I couldn't appreciate it without having missed it.

Then she started losing her temper and it was like back to square one. Scared to upset her. My ex shouted and screamed so much, I swear I just can't take it. It's like I shrink down to a Lego sized person.

I should stop drinking. Or typing. Or buy lego

My partner does loads of Lego when he is upset. It's a perfectly viable way of getting through a shit time. Put some sets in an amazon cart and just buy them, it will help.

Do try to stop drinking won't you? I promise you it will be easier and quicker to recover without alcohol in the mix. I've been there, I really have.

Thinking of you OP. Sorry you're having another horrible wee hours of the morning experience. Xx

I'm sorry it was all lies. I have no Lego. None. I'm sorry

I wouldn’t beat your self up over it. You ended a relationship that wasn’t right for you. It happens. Move on with your life and leave the past in the past.

I would love to update this, the last few months have been mental. Like really unbelievably bad and good.

But as of today it is over.

If I updated properly it would be long but crazy. If anyone wants to hear it I will.

I've just read this.

I'd be curious. You had some really good advice.

One small question, you mention drinking/being drunk a couple of times. Was that a factor in your gp's accusations?

Hope things are better now.

Gf not gp 🙄